Who are you?

How many of you have friend requests on Facebook, look at the mutual friends and end up thinking "They must have gone to school with me."

The trouble is when you look at their profile they don't look like they used to; they have wrinkles and bags under their eyes, grey hair or hair that's dyed to cover grey hair.  I genuinely struggle to recognise these people.

The other things that make it tricky to identify who they were is whether they've changed their name or whether you even remember their name from your list of fellow pupils.

There were 180 people in my year at secondary school (I think) and there's no way I can remember all of their names and further, remembering whether I liked them, or they liked me.

I think all friend requests from that far back should be accompanied by a picture of the requestor, as they were then.  Then at least the visual memory gets a chance to try and facilitate the remembering.

I've made a start and I've uploaded a few pictures from my school years; some are flattering, some not, but all are definitely me.  So if anyone wants to know if they knew me, they can have a look and see.  The Facebook album is here.  But for those who aren't Facebook-enabled, here they are:

First year at Primary School

Later Primary School years

Secondary school

6th form/Technical college

Carbon offset

Along with my Olympic tickets, for mountain biking in Hadleigh in Essex, I received Travelcards.  Yay!  Except "I'M TRAVELLING OUTSIDE LONDON TRAVELCARD ZONES" so can't use them.  Muppets.

Also included in my ticket package was a weird thing from BP.  There were six QR coded tickets that talked about carbon offset.  I scanned a code and followed the instructions.

Apparently BP was kindly offering to carbon offset my journey to the Olympics.  Well offsetting my journey to London because that seems to be where the Olympics is happening, apart from all of the events that aren't happening in London (LIKE MOUNTAIN BIKING!).

As I meandered my way through the carbon offset process thinking "Why am I bothering offsetting a journey from Brentwood to London when I'm actually travelling to Hadleigh" I noticed that the QR code didn't know where I lived.  In fact, its default assumed location for me was America.  It appeared I could choose the journey I wanted BP to offset.  It also appeared I could choose the number of people in my party and BP would offset all their journeys.

The words Deepwater Horizon seeped from my subconscious into my conscious mind and started to control me.

Believe it or not there are four in our party and they are all travelling from Australia.

I have five more QR codes to play with.  I plan to get BP carbon offsetting a heck of a lot of carbon.  I figure the environment is owed.

If you've just received your tickets then why not do the same.

Facebook - more or less

Have Facebook friends you don't see enough of? Or are there people whose updates bore you rigid?

Change your News feed content using your phone. In the Facebook app menu select Friends and select the friend you want to see more/less of.

If you select them as a close friend you will see all of their activity.

If you deselect "See in News Feed" you won't see any of their posts.

Simple.

The easiest gooey chocolate cake

This cake is covered in ganache, but don't let this put you off.  It also has a weird method and some strange ingredients, again, don't let this put you off.  My daughter (aged nine) made this with very little help from me, and my help was probably more along the "interfering mother" lines than help that was actually required.
If you are looking at the recipe and thinking "I haven't got this" or "I haven't got that" then let me help you out.
Firstly, if you're like me, you never have fresh buttermilk in the fridge.  You may have once thought "I'll buy some buttermilk because I need it for a recipe" and then never got round to making the recipe so the buttermilk is sitting in your freezer.  If, like me, once you've decided to make something you need to make it immediately, then you won't want to wait for the buttermilk to defrost.  Fear not because you can make your own buttermilk (sort of).  Take half a cup of milk (skimmed or semi-skimmed) and add a couple of teaspoons of lemon juice.  Leave for a couple of minutes and the disgusting resultant gloop will serve as a replacement for buttermilk.
Ganache requires double cream.  I usually have cream stored in my freezer as a result of over-estimating the family's desire for heart-attack inducing food.  If you take the cream out of the freezer when you start making the recipe, it should be usable by the time you get to the ganache bit.  It won't look usable (it'll look like a solid lump of lard) but when scooped out into a bowl and given a jolly good stir then it will resemble something usable.  This is what I did when I made the cake.
Lastly, the cake tin needed for this is a deep (and I mean deep, sort of 10cm deep) loose bottomed or springform tin.  Whilst I do have such a tin, I don't like having to buy a new tin for every new recipe I want to try.  Other people have made this cake by splitting the mixture into two shallower Victoria sponge tins and cooking for less time.  I would guess the cooking time should be 50mins to an hour but the skewer test is your friend here.  The two cake tin method also eliminates the tricky slicing the cake in two (or three) part of the recipe.  Alternatively you can cook in a slightly bigger, deep tin if you have one, you will just need to watch the cooking time.
This is an easy cake, but not a quick cake, to make.  Don't start making it at 10pm as a treat for the next day.  The resultant lack of sleep will reduce its appeal.
Ingredients

• 200g dark chocolate
• 200g unsalted butter
• 1 tbsp instant coffee granules
• 85g self-raising flour
• 85g plain flour
• 1⁄4 tsp bicarbonate of soda
• 200g light muscovado sugar
• 200g golden caster sugar (I used white granulated and other people have reduced this to 100g successfully)
• 25g cocoa powder
• 3 medium eggs (I used large)
• 5 tbsp buttermilk (see hint above if you don't have any)

and for the ganache:

• 200g dark chocolate
• 284ml carton double cream
• 2 tbsp golden caster sugar (I forgot to add this and didn't notice the difference)

Method

• Butter a 20cm round cake tin (at least 7.5cm deep unless you're going to use two tins) and line and butter the base.
• Preheat the oven to 140C (fan oven).
• Break 200g dark chocolate in pieces into a medium, heavy-based pan. Cut 200g butter into pieces and tip in with the chocolate, then mix 1 tbsp instant coffee granules into 125ml cold water and pour into the pan. Warm through over a low heat just until everything is melted - don't overheat.
• While the chocolate is melting, mix 85g self-raising flour, 85g plain flour, ¼ bicarbonate of soda, 200g light muscovado sugar, 200g golden caster sugar and 25g cocoa powder in a big bowl to get rid of any lumps. To save time you could sieve ingredients as you add them to the bowl, or you could try a low speed in a mixer to eliminate lumps.  I just bashed the lumps with a spoon.
• Beat 3 medium eggs in a bowl and stir in 5 tbsp buttermilk or 5 tbsp of the lemon juice and milk concoction.
• Now pour the melted chocolate mixture and the egg mixture into the flour mixture, stirring just until everything is well blended and you have a smooth, quite runny consistency. Pour this into the tin and bake for 1 hour 25- 1 hour 30 minutes - if you push a skewer in the centre it should come out clean and the top should feel firm (don't worry if it cracks a bit). Leave to cool in the tin (don't worry if it dips slightly), then turn out onto a wire rack to cool completely.
• I would recommend making the ganache while the cake is cooking and you'll still have time to do the washing up and have a cup of tea.
• To make the ganache: chop 200g dark chocolate into small pieces and tip into a bowl. Pour a 284ml of double cream into a pan, add 2 tbsp golden caster sugar, and heat until it is about to boil.  Don't let it boil.  Take off the heat and pour it over the chocolate.  Stir until the chocolate has melted and the mixture is smooth.  Leave, uncovered, on the side.
• Ganache is easier to work if it isn't very runny and allowing it to cool will make life easier.  If the ganache is too stiff when you need it then quick ten second microwave blasts can get it to the right consistency.
• When the cake is cool, and hopefully the ganache is workable, then slice your cake.  I turned my cake upside-down so that it had a nice flat top and I used a very sharp long-bladed knife to gingerly slice my cake in two.  If you are feeling brave then slice into three.
• Using a palette knife use the ganache to sandwich your slices together.
• Pour the remaining ganache onto the top of the cake trying to get even coverage and allow it to cascade down the sides.  If the ganache isn't too runny it should be possible to spread it carefully over the top and around the sides.  If the ganache ends up dribbling down to the plate then use the palette knife to scoop it up and onto the sides.  Once you've finished this it should look a bit like this.

I've read that a good ganache is shiny.  Well this was shiny before it went into the fridge.  The plate looks remarkably clear of dribbly chocolate.  You know that trick that chefs do when they wipe plates with a tea towel?  I used kitchen towel to achieve a neat effect but if I hadn't scooped the ganache up back onto the cake I might have left it au naturel.
If you plan to decorate with grated chocolate curls or something that needs a sticky base then add it now.  If you want to add writing then read on.
Mix icing sugar and milk until you have a gloopy, smooth consistency; not entirely liquid but not stiff and solid.  Pop into icing bag with very thin round nozzle.  (The best icing bags are plastic bags with the corner cut off.)
Practise writing on a chopping board and then get creative.  I should have made my icing less liquid and could have used a finer nozzle, although a significant increase in artistic ability would probably have made the biggest improvement.
This is my finished result:

Lemon drizzle traybake with pictures

The best bit of a lemon drizzle cake is the lemon drizzle.  Frankly, the cake is nothing without the drizzle.

I've often felt that there is not enough drizzle for the average lemon drizzle cake, but happily I have found a solution.

This is Andrea's recipe but she freely admits she stole it from the wonderful Mary Berry.

If you have struggled, as I have, to find a suitable tray bake tin, then I recommend you invest in a Silverwood tin which gives you all sorts of cake size options and is also good for those strapped for storage space.

Ingredients:

• 225g margarine (I use olive spread)
• 225g sugar (granulated or caster)
• 275g self-raising flour
• 2 tsps. baking powder
• 4 eggs
• 4 tbsps. milk
• Finely grated zest of 2 lemons
• For the crunchy topping: 175g granulated sugar
• Juice of 2 lemons

Method:

• Line 30cm x 23cm traybake tin with baking parchment

Lined Silverwood tin

• Heat oven to 160’ C/325’ F/ Gas Mark 3
• Beat margarine and sugar until light and fluffy

Light and fluffy

• Add the eggs 2 at a time with a spoonful of the SR flour to stop the mixture curdling. Continue adding the flour and baking powder, mixing well after each addition

• Add the milk and the lemon zest, mixing in well so it is evenly distributed

Lemon zest

• Turn the mixture into the prepared tin and level the top gently with the back of a spatula

Ready for the oven

• Bake in the middle of the oven for 35 – 40 minutes until the traybake springs back when pressed lightly with a finger in the centre and is beginning to shrink away from the sides of the tin

Fresh from the oven

• To make the crunchy topping, mix the granulated sugar and lemon juice in a small bowl to give a runny consistency
• Spoon this mixture evenly over the traybake while it is still just warm

After the drizzle is added

• Cut into squares when cold

Cooled drizzle

• Eat

If you have struggled, as I have, to find a suitable tray bake tin, then I recommend you invest in a Silverwood tin which gives you all sorts of cake size options and is also good for those strapped for storage space.

Killer brownies recipe with pictures

Killer because they are capable of inducing heart attacks.  Brownies because they’re brownies.  Recipe because…


Ingredients

• 250g unsalted butter (I use organic but you don’t have to)
• 200g dark chocolate (recipe actually says Fairtrade 70% cocoa solids and in handwritten capitals it says Green and Blacks but I didn’t use Green and Blacks)
• 50g chopped pecans
• 80g cocoa powder (don’t know why recipe doesn’t say Fairtrade for this)
• 65g plain flour (I use organic)
• 1 tsp baking powder
• 360g sugar (recipe says caster sugar but I used golden granulated sugar, whatever that is)
• 4 large free range eggs (recipe says free range or organic whereas I didn’t think they were mutually exclusive)

Method

• Recipe states 25cm square tin and I’ve bought a lovely one from Lakeland which has a removable base.  
• Line your tin with greaseproof paper and grease tin and greaseproof paper (I know this is a faff) and turn the oven on to 180 degrees (or 160 degrees for fan oven)

Lined tin

• In a bain marie (large bowl over a saucepan of simmering water) melt chocolate and butter then stir in your nuts (the chopped ones).

Butter, chocolate and pecans in bain marie

• In a separate bowl mix cocoa powder, flour, baking powder and sugar.
• Sieve flour and cocoa mix onto melted chocolate and butter. (I tip melted stuff into Kenwood Chef bowl and then add flour and cocoa mix).  Mix until combined.

Chocolate mixture with flour, cocoa, baking powder and sugar

• Beat eggs then add and mix well until silky consistency (I don’t really know what a silky consistency looks like so I just mix for a bit until I get bored - I have a low boredom threshold).

Silky consistency?

• Pour and scoop and scrape your mixture into the baking tin and chuck in the oven and cook for 25 minutes.  There is no point in guessing whether it’s “done” because with brownies it’s a dark art so just stick to the 25 mins.

Fresh from the oven (will sink/sag after about 10 mins)

• When the killer brownies emerge from the oven, allow to cool before cutting into heart attack inducing chunks and serve to your murder victims.  The brownies can be difficult to cut.  The brownies are much easier to cut (with pizza cutter) when frozen.
• The brownies freeze very well.

It's better this way

I used to try and persuade my husband to join and use social networking sites.

I was partially successful. He has a Facebook account and even a Twitter account. But that's it.

He uses the Facebook one when he's drunk and the Twitter one, well... never.

I've decided it's better this way. Imagine if he read all of my posts when sober.

It really doesn't bear thinking about.

Shane's (edited) 46 stages of Twitter

1. Hear the word Twitter.  Scoff.
2. Hear it again from someone else.  Scoff again.
3. Hear about famous celebrity who is apparently "On Twitter."  Scoff, but make mental note to check it out.
4. Log into Facebook to comfort self.
5. Sign up for Twitter.
6. Give up because it seems dumb.
7. Loudly criticize others on Twitter.
8. Follow @stephenfry, @jimmycarr, @schofe, @Lord_Sugar, @alancarr, @richardpbacon, and one other person you actually know.
9. Post tweet that is a variant of: "Trying out this Twitter thing."
10. Attempt to dig a little deeper into Twitter.
11. Notice rampant usage of words: "Tweet," "Twitter," "Twitterverse," "Tweetie," "Tweetdeck," and something called "RT."
12. Scoff again, this time in confusion.
13. Tell friends you "tried that Twitter thing, but didn't get it and it's stupid anyway."
14. Log into Facebook because that site at least makes sense.
15. Read story about Twitter somewhere.
16. Log back into Twitter.
17. Try to avoid saying Tweet, Twitter, Twitterverse, Tweetie, Tweetdeck, and ReTweet
18. Respond to @stephenfry.
19. Curse self for fanning out.
20. Log off for 4 months.
21. Come back, just to see.
22. Post something relatively funny.
23. Get RT'd.
24. Discover that RT means ReTweet.
25. Make it your life mission to get RT'd.
26. Install Twitter app on your phone.
27. No longer ashamed to say "I've got to tweet that."
28. Attend events with the sole intention of "Tweeting" them.
29. Pray to get RT'd.
30. Refresh. Refresh. Refresh. Refresh. Refresh.
31. Close computer.
32. Open computer.  Refresh.  Refresh.  Refresh.
33. Think in 140 character sentences.
34. Compulsively check phone all day every day.
35. Tweet that you compulsively check phone all day every day.
36. Alienate actual people in your life in an attempt to impress ones you don't know.
37. Lose weight because you forget to eat.
38. Place phone by bed so you can check first thing in the morning.
39. Defend Twitter to the death from detractors.
40. Hear self, and vaguely recognize that you have become "That Guy/Girl."
41. Feel like, and start to behave like a geek. 
42. Vow to quit Twitter to preserve sanity.
43. Read this and change mind.
44. Think to self, "I should tweet that."
45. Recognise irony.
46. Tweet it.

If I can't take it with me when I go…

 

Unlike Eartha Kitt, I know that when I have to go, I won't have a choice.  I also know that I don't want to take things with me when I go.  All of which begs the question "So why is my loft full of stuff that I'm keeping for posterity?"

What should one keep for future generations?

My loft has a few different categories of "stuff".

Christmas decorations - I have too many of these but can't bring myself to let go.  Additionally every year I see more that I want and, whilst my willpower is strong, I occasionally crack.

Camping gear - We started with basic camping gear and, over the years, our camping gear has grown, like Topsy.  If I were starting afresh then I would have a lot less gear and it would stack nicely and pack neatly into the back of a Ford Fiesta.  As it is we're pushing our luck when we try and fit it into an S-MAX.

Baby stuff - We are a two child family.  If a third child appears on the scene it's either an accident, or it was the only way to escape a job I wasn't enjoying.  We have disposed of most of the major baby items but we do have some things.  We have a travel cot, baby toys and books, a potty, bottle steriliser, disposable bibs, toddler plates and bowls.  Because we might have baby and toddler visitors and, if we do, these things may be useful.  When our children were small we never expected people to have anything when we visited them and yet I want to be prepared for the "just in case" scenario.

I have ornaments that we have bought over the years that have been relegated to the loft.  We don't have space for everything it seems so things languish in the attic.  Some of these things were chosen on holiday or given to us.  It seems wrong to get rid of them.

Ski gear - We don't ski a lot.  We hardly ski at all.  Our loft has skis, poles, ski bag, ski boots, ski clothes.  Why?

Suitcases and backpacks - Everyone has these don't they?

Sports gear - The badminton, tennis, racquetball and squash gear.   The rollerblades and diving gear.

Spare bedding - Duvets, pillows and stuff.  Surely this is normal too?

Books - Kids' books that belonged to us as children, kids' books that belonged to our children, adult books that belonged to us, adult books that belonged to adults who have died but that we think are books "of note", educational books that remind us we were clever once.

Childhood memories - cards, letters, certificates, school work, souvenirs, toys (for us and the children).

Things that other people valued because they kept them and they're now dead and we now feel bad about getting rid of it.

Surely this is normal hoarding, or do we need help?

Oh, and I haven't even mentioned the stuff we store in the garage and the shed.

 

 

 

Spring chicken crowd pleaser

You know those weekends when the hoards descend and you need an easy and tasty recipe?  I have such a recipe.  I rarely share main course recipes because I'm not very good at savoury dishes and I rarely find something worthy of a blog.  This recipe deserves to be posted.

I'll give you the ingredients for four people but it's easy to make more, pan sizes permitting.

Ingredients

• 1 onion
• 500g chicken - the recipe says boneless, skinless chicken thighs but I don't think it matters if the joints are chicken breast or if they still have the skin on but chicken breasts should be cut in two
• 300g small new potatoes
• 425ml veg stock (from stock cube)
• 350g broccoli, cut into small florets
• 350g spring greens (I substituted french beans as my children wouldn't eat spring greens)
• 140g petit pois
• a bunch of spring onion
• 2 tbsp pesto (the green basil variety - I didn't have any jar pesto so I whizzed up some fresh)

Method

• Heat some oil in a pan and fry the chicken until lightly coloured.
• Add the onion and fry gently until softened.  The recipe says to do this the other way round but I can't get colour on the chicken if there's already onion in the pan.
• Add the potatoes, stock and some freshly ground pepper and bring to the boil.
• Cover and simmer for 30 mins until potatoes are tender and the chicken is cooked.
• (You can freeze at this point if you want to.)
• Add the broccoli, spring greens (french beans), petit pois and spring onions, stir well and return to boil.
• Cover then cook for 5 mins.
• Stir in pesto and heat through.
• Serve.

You can choose different green veg for this dish but the size of the veg needs to be small enough to cook in about 5 mins.

It's the pesto that makes this dish special and it really is easy to make (and there's not much washing up either).

Lateral thinking

I've always thought that I'm quite lucky to be working in marketing for an automotive company.  It has to be more exciting than working in marketing for an aggregates company doesn't it?

Well the answer is probably yes but I've found a lovely bit of aggregate marketing that is very clever.

Whilst driving along a road I saw a ginormous pothole and thought "Somebody needs to know about that."  I stopped, took a picture and then thought "So who do I tell?"

I could phone Brentwood Council who would tell me it was a Highways concern which is managed by the County Council and they'd give me a phone number which wouldn't be answered and I'd get annoyed and I might try again but to no avail.  The lack of commas in that sentence was deliberate.  It should have left you gasping for breath. expiring as well as exasperated.

I could use Twitter but the Council ignore tweets with gay abandon.

I could use Facebook but that can be ignored quite easily too.  Either that or a placatory response can be posted but no action taken.

What I needed was an app.  As is usual in these scenarios, I find my genius idea has already been invented by someone quicker and smarter than me, and this time it was someone who worked in aggregate marketing.

If you check out www.fillthathole.org.uk you'll find the link to this app.  This app allows you to report a pothole with a really simple interface and whilst the website is branded with CTC - The UK's National Cyclists Organisation, the funding behind the app is Aggregate industries at www.aggregate.com.

The link was obvious to me.  Aggregate is what is used to fill potholes.  It's the perfect way to generate demand for your product.  It also happens to be timed to coincide with a doubling of the funding pot for pothole repairs as announced by the Government here.

Very clever lateral thinking.

 

If you're searching for my pothole you need to look for Hazard number #66845

 

A job you wouldn't want

I have reached the end of my tether as far as TalkTalk are concerned.

The problems I blogged about a while ago have continued.

On March 26th TalkTalk wrote to me advising that a new Direct Debit Instruction has been set up for my account.  (The previous instruction had been cancelled by TalkTalk in error.)

Today they have sent me a red reminder about an outstanding balance (caused by the cancellation of the Direct Debit) and they helpfully suggest that I register, or reinstate a Direct Debit for my Tiscali service.

1. They have a Direct Debit mandate and can take money owing.
2. Tiscali is the old name for TalkTalk and hasn't been used for years but the debt collection department haven't bothered to update their letter.
3. The red reminder threatens to "restrict" my service.

I'm beyond angry and frustrated into a whole new stratosphere of something beyond anger and frustration.  Were the delightful Mr Fry here he would use his enormous brain to provide me with suitable words to describe my mood.

The call centre staff have had plenty of opportunities to resolve this, as have the Twitter Social Media team so I went to the next level.  I discovered a TalkTalk Facebook page but posts were disabled. I left a comment on a post but it wasn't good enough, I needed a more satisfying outlet.

I googled "TalkTalk CEO e-mail address" and my trusty CEO e-mail address site popped up: ceoemail.com

Consequently Dido Harding received an e-mail outlining my woes and requesting intervention, but that still didn't float my boat (dido.harding@talktalkplc.com if you're interested).

I then thought that I needed to leave TalkTalk so started a Google search relating to that and found people who had found it difficult to leave TalkTalk.  It was then I found the TalkTalk Community forum.  I started started surfing through the thousands and thousands of complaints and issues that had been posted.  I spotted that there was only one person responding to all of these forum posts.  Em, at TalkTalk, seems to be the only person who deals with all of the angry and frustrated people who are on the receiving end of TalkTalk's legendary appalling Customer Service.  I wouldn't want her job for all the tea in China, or anywhere else for that matter.

Gluten free key lime pie

I wanted a gluten free dessert for an Easter family gathering and came across this recipe.  It wasn't gluten free when I found it, but with a small adaptation it could be and it was also easy to make.

Ingredients

For the base

• 350g gluten free digestive biscuits (gluten free digestives are sold in Tesco and Sainsbury but if you don't have an allergy/intolerance to gluten then just use normal digestives)
• 125g unsalted butter

For the filling

• 4 large eggs, separated
• 400ml full fat condensed milk (I used low fat)
• Finely grated zest and juice of 4 limes
• 50g golden caster sugar (I used normal granulated)

Method

• Preheat oven to 160°C (fan oven) and grease a deep 25cm fluted tart tin with a loose bottom.  I don't think my tart tin was very deep and it would have been better if it had been deeper.  This is the one I used.
• To make the base crush the biscuits either in a bag using a rolling pin or using a food processor.
• Melt the butter and mix with the biscuit crumbs.  When I did this I lacked faith and panicked and added more butter.  Don't do what I did.  Have faith and follow the recipe.
• Press the biscuit and butter mixture into the greased tin on the base and up the sides to make the pie case.  If you don't have a tart tin then you can use a springform tin instead but it won't look quite as pretty.
• Bake the case in the oven for 10-15 minutes.  My case shrank in the oven and I nearly threw the thing in the bin.  I think that might have been because I messed with the recipe and added too much butter.  But just in case your case shrinks too, then just make up a little extra biscuit and butter mix and do a DIY fix up job where it shrank (but don't re-bake the case).  This might not matter if you have a very deep tart tin but if you don't then you will need the sides of the case to be as tall as possible to contain the filling.
• For the filling, beat the egg yolks until they are light and fluffy and then beat in the condensed milk, lime zest and juice.
• In another bowl, whisk the egg whites and sugar until firm.
• Gently fold the egg whites into the lime mixture using a large metal spoon.
• Fill the biscuit base with the lime mixture and bake in the oven for 20-25 minutes until set and slightly browned around the edges.  When I filled my base I had a little bit too much filling for the size of my base.  I also had a bit extra base mix after my DIY fix it job on the base.  I used the extra biscuit base in a couple of ramekins and baked for a few minutes and then added the spare filling thus making two extra mini desserts.  Also, when baking the main pie I saw that one edge of the pie went a light brown colour quite quickly so I spent the whole of the baking time gradually turning the pie in the oven so it cooked evenly.
• Once out of the oven, the pie, not you, leave to cool.  The pie will shrink a bit so don't worry this is normal.
• I remove from the tin by putting the tin on a bowl and gradually removing the edge of the tart tin downwards allowing me to lift the pie away from the edge bit of the tin.  I've not been brave enough to remove from the base of the tin.  That just seemed like a disaster waiting to happen.
• Just before serving, dust the pie lightly with icing sugar.  You could go the whole hog and do fancy decoration with lime slices and mint leaves like the person who wrote the recipe in the first place, like this. Or not.

 

 

 

Don't panic Captain Mainwaring

The tanker drivers are threatening a strike.  We're all on tenterhooks waiting for the seven day strike warning whilst draining petrol stations of their supplies.

It's a lesson in how to afford to strike.

You don't get paid when you're on strike.  You can get strike pay from the Union but it's not as much as the wage.

So how do people who claim to be underpaid, afford to go on strike?

If you're a tanker driver it works like this:

• Threaten to strike but don't set a date.
• Get the Government so scared that they advocate panic buying.
• People then panic buy draining petrol stations who will call their suppliers requesting more deliveries
• Tanker drivers will then be asked to do overtime, at premium rates, to keep up with demand.
• Everyone will eventually have a full tank of fuel, making a strike ineffective.
• Wait a bit until people have forgotten about the strike.
• Leak a confidential report advocating imminent strike.  This whips the nation into panic buying again promoting the same cycle of demand prompting overtime.
• Don't strike on date in confidential leaked report "because it was leaked."
• When you have earned enough to weather a strike then choose a juicy bank holiday weekend to wreak havoc.

Of course I could be wrong...

Never mind talking, are you listening?

It all started with an automated message.

TalkTalk wanted us to call them and they requested that we do this by leaving an automated message on our answer phone. By automated I mean pre-recorded.  The message was not left by a human being that had called, it was left by an automated dialler.

Husband picked up another couple of these messages and we ignored them, but they annoyed me and so I told TalkTalk using my favourite medium for initial contact with a company, Twitter.

TalkTalk responded asking whether it was a sales call.  I clearly didn't know because I refuse to respond to a robot.  If TalkTalk want to contact me they can use a real person to make contact.

TalkTalk then sent me, via Twitter, a form requiring name, address, customer account, phone number, e-mail address, mobile number and bank details.  Although it was a pain to look this up, I did because I wanted to follow through on my complaint.

The next contact was an e-mail saying the details I supplied didn't match the records they had.  I presumed this was confusion over my first name and the middle name I use on a daily basis.

It irritated me that, despite having the account details they needed to investigate my complaint, they refused to do so because there was one tiny discrepancy.  They had sent through the form for me to complete again.  I didn't know for sure which field or fields didn't match their records and didn't look forward to the prospect of multiple attempts at form filling.  It might be worth pointing out that the request that came in with the original form didn't ask me to "Please complete this form…" it just said "Can you complete this form…".  It's a small thing but manners cost nothing.

At this point I'm not viewing TalkTalk favourably.  This is unfortunate for the poor man in the TalkTalk call centre who chose exactly that time to call (just five minutes before I have to leave the house for the school run.)

I think that during this call I realised why TalkTalk had been trying to make contact.  The call with the unfortunate man went something like this:

"Hello"

"Is that Mrs Cardus?"

"Yes, who's calling?"

"It's TalkTalk"

"What do you want?"

"I need to take you through security."

At this point it's tempting to shout "YOU CALLED ME.  WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU CALLED?" but I didn't.  I "went through security".

"There's a problem with payment on your account."

"What's the problem."

"Your account needs paying."

"It's on Direct Debit so there shouldn't be a problem."

"There's a problem with the Direct Debit."

"Well there shouldn't be because it comes out of our bank account which is linked to our mortgage and I know there are sufficient funds available to make payments."

"The Direct Debit has been cancelled."

"Not by me it's not.  Who's cancelled the Direct Debit?"

"*coughs* It's been cancelled by someone at TalkTalk by accident."

"Right.  Send me a new Direct Debit form and I'll complete it and send it back."

"But your account will be overdue."

"Not my fault, you cancelled the Direct Debit."

"But if your account is overdue then we might cut you off."

"Well I hope you wouldn't given that it's your fault the account is overdue."

"If I could just take payment by card."

"I don't think so."

and on and on and on until

"I can put you through to Customer Service."

"No you can't because I have to go.  Get them to call me."

 

Lessons for TalkTalk from this experience:

1. Don't leave automated messages because they are impersonal and they are entirely inappropriate when dealing with a situation relating to finance and an error on the part of TalkTalk.
2. Improve your customer issue handling and don't make the customer do all the work.
3. Say sorry, please and thank you where appropriate.
4. When a TalkTalk error has created an issue then don't threaten the customer
5. If you do cut off our service we will leave and you will never see us again.

 

 

 

Smashing belief

Hannah announced this evening "I know your little secret."

I didn't know what to say.  Depending on your point of view I either have a lifetime of little secrets or none at all and I didn't know what Hannah's angle was.

She'd worked out there was no tooth fairy.  She'd found a box containing teeth.  I know this sounds grim but where should children's teeth end up?

I didn't confirm or deny anything.

Hannah asked if she could have a financial reward for the latest tooth to fall out.  I had to explain that only children who believe in the tooth fairy benefit financially from tooth loss.  I felt bad but this was uncharted territory and I was winging it.

Should I have a rethink in the morning?

Lemon drizzle traybake

The best bit of a lemon drizzle cake is the lemon drizzle.  Frankly, the cake is nothing without the drizzle.

I've often felt that there is not enough drizzle for the average lemon drizzle cake, but happily I have found a solution.

This is Andrea's recipe but she freely admits she stole it from the wonderful Mary Berry.

Ingredients:

• 225g margarine (I use olive spread)
• 225g sugar (granulated or caster)
• 275g self-raising flour
• 2 tsps. baking powder
• 4 eggs
• 4 tbsps. milk
• Finely grated zest of 2 lemons
• For the crunchy topping: 175g granulated sugar
• Juice of 2 lemons

Method:

• Line 30cm x 23cm traybake tin with baking parchment
• Heat oven to 160’ C/325’ F/ Gas Mark 3
• Beat margarine and sugar until light and fluffy
• Add the eggs 2 at a time with a spoonful of the SR flour to stop the mixture curdling. Continue adding the flour and baking powder, mixing well after each addition
• Add the milk and the lemon zest, mixing in well so it is evenly distributed
• Turn the mixture into the prepared tin and level the top gently with the back of a spatula
• Bake in the middle of the oven for 35 – 40 minutes until the traybake springs back when pressed lightly with a finger in the centre and is beginning to shrink away from the sides of the tin
• To make the crunchy topping, mix the granulated sugar and lemon juice in a small bowl to give a runny consistency
• Spoon this mixture evenly over the traybake while it is still just warm
• Cut into squares when cold
• Eat

If you have struggled, as I have, to find a suitable tray bake tin, then I recommend you invest in a Silverwood tin which gives you all sorts of cake size options and is also good for those strapped for storage space.

Great night out

It's not every day you get to lick out a walnut whip.

The PTA organised a quiz night at the school.  I say PTA but I think that means Jenny and helpers.  I'm on the PTA but I didn't even make it onto the PTA team.  I think I'm an also ran.

My team was great.  I'm not entirely sure about the team selection process.  I think I just happened to be staying in the right place at the right time at the school pick up.

Anyway - booze was really cheap because it was a bottle from the wine rack.

Food was really cheap as it was just a bag of crisps and a bag of Japanese cracker things that were in the cupboard.

Company also shared my base sense of humour.  Either that or they were very polite and tolerant.

I drank, I laughed, we didn't win, but I didn't care.

Next time, same team, more fun, some cheating (can't believe they didn't want to cheat at all) and more winning.

Naughty Boy Pancakes

Ethan was mean to Hannah yesterday.  It was completely unacceptable behaviour and it required a tough punishment.

He had been waxing lyrical about how much he was looking forward to pancake day and that was his undoing.  His punishment was to have no pancakes on pancake day.

He cried.  I felt guilty.

This morning he woke up crying.  I felt guilty.

This afternoon when I picked him up from school he cried.  I felt guilty.

He told me that this was probably the worst day of his life.  I laughed silently and invisibly at the lengths to which he would go to try and get me to change my mind.  Outwardly I was considerate but firm and stuck with the punishment.  I also explained to Ethan that in a normal year there are about 362 days that are pancake free for him and perhaps he should re-evaluate the disastrous nature of the predicament in which he found himself.

Hannah had pancakes (about ten of them), Ethan and I had none.

I thought you might like a recipe for pancakes.  Let's call it Naughty Boy Pancakes although in reality it's merely Nigella's recipe repackaged.

Makes ten (ish) pancakes:

Ingredients

• 150g flour
• 1 egg
• 325ml milk
• 30g unsalted butter melted and cooled a little
• More unsalted butter for cooking

Method

• Take flour egg and milk and put into a tall jug (the sort that comes with those whizzy blender thingies).  Use whizzy blender thingy to mix batter then stir in melted butter.
• Melt some butter in a frying pan.
• When butter is sizzling a little then pour in enough batter which when swirled around the pan adequately covers the bottom of the pan.  I find that when poured the batter covers about two fifths of the pan before swirling.
• You need to cook until nicely browned on the underside.  This should be less than a minute.
• Flip the pancake with either panache and style using just the pan and a toss or, if you're like me, using a fish slice.
• Cook for same amount of time on this side and then serve.
• I find I end up being a pancake factory on Shrove Tuesday constantly serving hungry mouths but if you want to make this more of a sit down at the table affair then cook all you need and just ping in microwave to warm them up before serving.
• Serve with whatever you fancy.

Ethan's talking to me now and I think we're friends again.  He has a short memory.

 

 

Solar panel installation part cinq

It's over, or has it just begun?

The panels are installed, the bills have been paid and we're just waiting for the certificate, a copy of which needs to be sent off to our energy supplier.

This weekend was the first time we'd had the chance to see whether the panels were working properly.

They are.  We're happy.

Help required

On 25th March there is a half marathon in Brentwood that (literally) runs past our house.  It's an annual event and we can usually be found enjoying a coffee whilst cheering on the runners.

Last year though the half marathon happened soon after the terrible tsunami that hit Japan.  We decided we had an ideal opportunity to harness the money-making potential of other people who watch the marathon near our house.

With Hannah and Ethan as top salespeople we ran a homemade cake stall and raised about £175 which we sent off the the Red Cross Tsunami Appeal.

Given that it worked so well last year we thought we'd do it again this year.  This year though we thought we'd raise funds for Hopefield Animal Sanctuary, which I think is our closest charity.

The baking has started and so has the resultant freezer filling.  Clearly the freezer capacity I have dictates the amount of cake I can make ahead and make available for sale.  Unless of course I enlist your help.

Would any of you bake cakes that we could sell?  A cake or batch of muffins from every reader of this blog would be amazing.  A casual chat at a tweetup has already generated the offer of some cakes which got me thinking that other people might be willing to pitch in.

The experience from last year taught me that sale of hot drinks would be appreciated.  I can get my hands on an urn but I would love some extra hands to help sell, serve and drum up business.  Could you help?  Do you have access to another urn?  Do you have any access to free cold drinks that we can sell.  I plan to ask Sainsbury but do you know anywhere else that might be able to help?

I don't want this to be the Ann show.  Basically I have a location that is brilliant for taking advantage of an event that is already being organised.  I want to raise as much money as I can for a very worthy cause.  I don't care who you are, if you want to help me do that, you're very welcome.  Can you help?

 

Solar installation part quatre

There's an expression that starts "If you can't stand the heat…" but there were no kitchens involved in this installation so it doesn't really fit.

The best expression that might fit would be "The sun always shines on the righteous."  Allow me to elaborate.

CB Renewables sub-contract the fitting work and the first of these sub-contractors to turn up this morning were the roofers.  I was in the shower when they arrived and wasn't really looking my best.  Dave sorted access to materials in the garage and moved my car while I rushed to to make myself presentable, or at least put some clothes on and dry my hair.

I made tea for the roofers and the electricians who had also arrived.  It was just after eight in the morning and we needed to leave for Ethan's saxophone lesson.  I promised I'd be back at about nine.

When I returned I popped the kettle on again and warmed up some pre-baked banana and chocolate muffins that were in the freezer.

I figured we might need more muffins so I baked a batch of double chocolate muffins which came out of the oven just before the guys had reached this stage of the installation.

Everything seemed to be going well as I went outside to sort deliver round two of tea and muffins.

About an hour later and the kettle went on again and out went a tray with tea and double chocolate muffins.

I decided I needed more muffins and knocked out a batch of orange and date muffins which accompanied another round of teas another hour later.  The install still seemed to be going well and panels were going up on the roof.  There were some questions about the electricity earth arrangements that I couldn't fully answer but which were cleared up with a few tests.

I waited another hour before refuelling the install team with tea and orange and date muffins and thought I might need another muffin variety to entertain the troops.  I looked at the ingredients in the cupboard and found some cranberry sauce.  The next batch I churned out were therefore orange and cranberry and by this time the install looked like this:

The team and I were keen to test the output.  A worried spark came into the house saying there was a problem.  The system was generating 660V and the inverter was only able to take an input of 550V.  The only conclusion was that we'd need a different inverter.  The day had been so sunny, and so cold, that conditions were perfect for optimal power generation.  Solar panels like it sunny and cold.  The panels had exceeded our expectations to the extent that the inverter couldn't cope.  Whilst that means a delay to the completed install, it also means more power generated than we expected which is fantastic news.

The kettle went on for the final time and I served up the experimental orange and cranberry muffins with a hot mug of tea.

The sparks will be back to redo the inverter installation, so I'd better get baking because the sun always shines on the righteous.

 

Solar installation part trois

One of the things we had to do ahead of the installation was get the ivy removed from the roof.  It's a shame that the tree surgeon only took it off the roof and not the wall too.  Luckily the lovely Matt at Prince trees sorted that out today, or rather his super speedy team sorted it.

Four blokes turned up and, in the time it took me to make coffee and them to drink the coffee, they'd finished the job.

The other thing we needed to do was to send the Wattson off for upgrade, transmitter and Easifit kit.  We did that too and haven't had it returned yet, but if my luck goes well then it'll arrive back tomorrow.

The last thing was to clear the garage to make space for the solar panel delivery.

We have sifted and sorted and got rid of a ton of stuff to charity and Freecycle.  Today we had two deliveries even though I was only expecting one.

To the first van driver that arrived I said "Have you got some solar panels for me?"  He didn't, but he had the hardware and the inverter that would would be needed to fit the panels.  The panels arrived later via lorry.  It was a good job we had cleared a space in the garage because the panels were delivered on a pallet and they are huge.

So we're ready, and we're really excited (or I'm really excited).