Body image

I was somewhat taken aback today.

An unknown brand that sells vintage homeware and a few dresses asked women for "Your dress size, height, and any body hang ups you have." 

I was amazed by the response they got.  So many women with so many different shapes and sizes who are unhappy with their bodies.

Have a look for yourself, here.

If you don't want to jump in to Facebook, here's a taster.

• Emma Maudsley I'm a 12-14, big boobs - struggle to get something that fits waist AND across chest. Needs some "give" in the fabric otherwise I have yo buy a 16 and then get a saggy waistline!! I'm also 5ft 10 so length in body of a dress important 

  Like · Reply · 15 · 2 hrs
• 4 Replies · 53 mins
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  Jayne White I think most women over the age of eighteen have a bit of a 'thing' about exposing their upper arms. I reckon if you could stock a co-ordinating range of cute little shrug cardigans or bolero jackets, they would go down a storm. (I am a size 24 and have no waist, so the dresses aren't for me just now, but I'm working on it!) x

  Like · Reply · 22 · 2 hrs
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  Elaine Denning THIS...THIS RIGHT HERE needs to go viral. Real shapes, real sizes, REAL WOMEN.

  Like · Reply · 12 · 2 hrs
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  Sharron Cobain 5'2" size 14.. I have no hang ups as I'm perfect down to the very last stretch mark and flabby bit! Luv who u are girls.... X

  Like · Reply · 8 · 1 hr
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  Karen Maddison Please get something short sleeved that covers the bingo wings 

  Like · Reply · 6 · 2 hrs
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  Liz Faulkner Size 22 5ft 8 - tummy and upper arms x

  Like · Reply · 6 · 2 hrs
• 2 Replies · 51 mins
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  Linda Worsley 5'4 size 20 people don't make nice dresses for the larger ladies xxx

  Like · Reply · 5 · 2 hrs
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  Sandra 'maude' Green 5'2" size 18. I hate me upper arms! x

  Like · Reply · 5 · 2 hrs
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  Sharon Griffin i am always keen to find dresses that conceal the tummy area and also upper arm as worry about the wobbly bingo wings ;] i am a size 10 but as i am getting older i feel more self conscious about certain areas so am always searching for flattering dresses that cleverly disguise those wobbly bits x

  Like · Reply · 4 · 2 hrs
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  Katharine Haigh Dress size 16/18, 5'1 post pregnancy body so things are wobbly. Dresses need to be the right length or they look silly. I'm not a fan of my middle or the top of my arms so i prefer when the dress is fitted under boob and not waist. Also like a matching...See More

  Like · Reply · 3 · 1 hr
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  Christie Louise Barnes 5'6 size 10-12. Struggle with dresses because im VERY small chested. Dont fit even smallest of bras well so dresses look awful. Plus my waist is a size 8 & my hips a size 12 :S

  Like · Reply · 3 · 1 hr
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  Tina Jasmine Wright Size 16. 5ft 10. Dresses never come to calf length because of my height. Problem areas apple shaped. X

  Like · Reply · 3 · 2 hrs
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  Stephanie Nomiddlename Crouch yeah same problem as Tina. I want something below the knee

  Like · 1 hr
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  Britt Lee-Crawshaw 16/18 on the bottom and 20/22 on top half, 5ft 8", I can never find any dresses that fit on my hips amd my bust because they're different sizes. So frustrating!

  Like · Reply · 3 · 2 hrs
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  Claire Mcgrath Givens This is me in one of your size 16 dresses. I'm 5 '2 and can't wear heels due to a disability. Felt great in this dress. X

  

  Like · Reply · 2 · 1 hr
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  Genien Neen Blackwood 5ft 2 size 12 /14 36dd bust .wobbly tummy was a size 18 lost three half stone still got the wobbly tummy

  Like · Reply · 2 · 1 hr
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  Sarah Oxby 5 foot 11 - I have trouble with dresses being long enough and the waist actually being in the tight place!

  Like · Reply · 2 · 1 hr
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  Gill Calleja 22, have big top arms ! sick of dress always being sleeveless or capped  not everyone wants to show off the flabby arms x

  Like · Reply · 2 · 1 hr
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  Shelley Mcgarry hi  im a size 16 5ft 7inch 38dd/e. my hang up is all the loose skin I have due to weight loss. I struggle to find clothes to fit properly as I have to accommodate it  xx

  Like · Reply · 2 · 1 hr
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  Tegan Proudmummy Cole Mee to gone from 22 to a 14 xxx

  Like · 1 hr
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  Jess Flaherty I'm a size 6 or 8 and 5ft 2", so it's hard to find clothes I feel sexy in. I hate my flat chest and knobbly knees. 
  The thing I hate most, however, is the term "real" women. EVERY woman is real, no matter what her body type.

  Like · Reply · 2 · 1 hr
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  Mistique D. Primar I am 5'3" and a size 18 in dresses. My biggest problem is that that I have large breasts and it is difficult to find something that doesn't make me look larger in that area, or something that fits there, and in my waist.

  Like · Reply · 2 · 2 hrs
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  Michelle Morgan 18 / 20 my arms are my bug please stock the little cardigans xxxx

  Like · Reply · 2 · 2 hrs
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  Erin Lou Size 14-16, 5ft 3. Large bust is a pain cause usually have to size up for a fit which can be baggy at waist.

  Like · Reply · 2 · 2 hrs
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  Anne Monk 5ft 5 ,18, tops of arms and legs mainly

  Like · Reply · 2 · 2 hrs
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  Mandy Roche 5 ft 3 and size 16/18. my hang ups are hanging down lol. i like to hide my wings and disguise my "spare tyre"! xx

  Like · Reply · 1 · 24 mins
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  Ellie Louise 14-16 5 ft 11 belly and thighs and arms. Longing for a dress that covers my arms, the ones that half like half sleeves.

  Like · Reply · 1 · 24 mins
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  Jane Henshaw 6ft 1 size 14 would like more midi dresses to fit. Not floor length or above the knee

  Like · Reply · 1 · 34 mins
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  Sheryl Wilson 5'9, size 16/18, hate the tops of my arms, my knees and my belly, actually don't wear dresses at all cuz can never fund anything that flatters all my problem areas and is long enough, also am only 30 so don't want anything 2 old looking, feel like a old woman most of the time as it is, would rather not dress like 1 lol xxx

  Like · Reply · 1 · 35 mins
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  Chloe Morgan Size 14, a meer 4ft 7". Horrible thighs.

  Like · Reply · 1 · 36 mins
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  Gayle Robinson I have a belly, and, at 44 am finding I prefer something with sleeves that hide the tops of my arms - I sunburn there amongst other issues. 5'6'', 38 c ish, so some tummy corsetry would be lovely....or sell your beautiful dresses with those suck-it-all-in knickers!!

  Like · Reply · 1 · 37 mins
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  Michelle AndMike Hart Loving the 6ft plus girls x

  Like · Reply · 1 · 37 mins
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  Jessica Gizmo'is-real Birkett 167cm 
  Size 18
  Hate the tops of my arms usually wear 3/4 sleeves never wear anything showing the tops of my arms x

  Like · Reply · 1 · 40 mins
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  Chelle Bell Jones Size 24, 6'1, 
  Hang ups are the fact it is impossible to buy clothes to fit me

  Like · Reply · 1 · 46 mins
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  Michelle Marie O'Beirne Size 18 6ft 2 ! Dont have any hangups anymore! After 5 children and 30 i might not have a perfect body! But im finaly happy in my own skin

  Like · Reply · 1 · 47 mins
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  Emily Hunt I'm 5ft exactly. Size 18/20. Im a g cup with a littler waist so I like something with give in the top but not a saggy waistline . Also don't like my upper arms .

  Like · Reply · 1 · 50 mins
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  Tanya Russell Size 16, 5ft 7. I have a cup size of G so sometimes have to get size 18 but then its too baggy everywhere else!

  Like · Reply · 1 · 1 hr
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  Janeve Clowes I'm 5'10 size 10 the problem I have is I have a small waist but size e boobs so tops r tight or loose depending on what I decide to settle for. Xx

  Like · Reply · 1 · 1 hr
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  Faith Lee Size 24-26 and I'm 5ft 1. Being short and bigger I find it difficult to find anything in a flattering length that isn't too short or made for someone who is meant to be much taller. Plus finishing anything that doesn't make me look like I'm carrying triplets!

  Like · Reply · 1 · 1 hr
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  Storm Cloud Size 14 on bottom and 18 on top! Boobs too big for waist...hate them lol.

  Like · Reply · 1 · 1 hr
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  Sally Houchen Size14/16 5'5". Body hang ups. Tummy and thighs. Like my boobs (36g) and legs below the knee

  

  Like · Reply · 1 · 1 hr
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  Emma Jacqueline Smith 5ft 8 size 18..but that depends on if it's a top and got buttons as boobs are an issue. And hips. Love my curves but alot off cclothes dont like my curves lol xxxx

  Like · Reply · 1 · 1 hr
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  Zara Louise Mead Usually 24 - 28 on top, and usually 22 - 24 below (I know, very odd to say, but it depends on the shops etc...) About 5"5'ish and as for body hang ups, where do I begin?! 

  Like · Reply · 1 · 1 hr
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  Alice Maxwell 5'8 and a bit size 18/20. Big boobs. Hate belly apron after 2 babies

  Like · Reply · 1 · 1 hr
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  Sophie DeMattia I would just love a dress that arrives without stains and a zip that works.please check your email.  one devastated customer here. :|

  Like · Reply · 1 · 1 hr
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  Lynette Drummond 5ft2" - flat chested, tummy from 2 C-sections - size 12/14. Like slash neck designs, but would like to see some dresses with sleeves or little shrugs to go over the sleeveless.

  Like · Reply · 1 · 1 hr
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  Lesley Wybrow I'm 5 foot 11, size 14 and hate my stomach which has a baggy, saggy side after surgery many years ago so I always look lopsided. I love the clothes you sell but don't think they are long enough for my height.

  Like · Reply · 1 · 1 hr
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  Louise Knight Eeerrrrggggghhhhhh.....all of the above x

  Like · Reply · 1 · 1 hr
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  Lynda Webb 5'6. Size 18, large bust, with apple shape! Love clothes that enhances cleavage to take focus away from flabby belly! X

  Like · Reply · 1 · 1 hr · Edited
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  Joanne Jenkins Was Pearson 5ft 2, size 12-14....and too many body hangups to list on here!!!  lol ♡

  Like · Reply · 1 · 1 hr
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  Gemma Conway 5.2" size 10/12 - HATE the top of my arms so even a small sleeve is a make or break when it comes to purchase 😊

  Like · Reply · 1 · 1 hr
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  Elizabeth Jones I love that people feel so happy to talk about their hang ups and sizes so openly and there are no horrible judgemental comments. A sign of a good site!!

  Like · Reply · 1 · 1 hr

Rhubarb crumble cake

I had grave doubts about this recipe but they were all unfounded (although I did adapt it a bit).  Hubby says the only thing it's missing is a great big dollop of custard.


You will need a 23 or 25cm square tin.  The recipe I had said 23cm but I used 25cm tin.
The recipe says serves 8 and, for pudding, I'd agree, but for a little treat with coffee you can cut into 16.
Ingredients

• 300g rhubarb
• Juice of half a lemon
• 175g caster sugar (I'm pretty sure granulated will work too)
• 175g softened unsalted butter or soft marg (I used soft marg)
• 175g self raising flour
• 3 large eggs
• 2 tsps vanilla extract

and for the topping

• 25g unsalted butter
• 4 tbsp self raising flour
• 2 tbsp caster sugar (or granulated, or soft brown)
• 2 tsps ground ginger

Method

• When the cake goes into the oven you need it heated to 160˚C.
• Grease and line (or use Lakeland magic baking parchment and don't grease) your 23cm or 25cm tin
• Wash and trim rhubarb into 3cm pieces.  I had chunky rhubarb so cut it into 3cm lengths and then chopped the lengths so they were about 1.5cm max wide.
• Pop rhubarb in a bowl with the lemon juice.  I might omit this next time as I have no idea how this helps the recipe.
• In a separate bowl rub the flour and butter for the topping together and then add topping sugar and ginger.  Mine looked like this.

• In a separate bowl beat together (using the all in one method) the flour, butter (or marg), eggs, and sugar.  This needs to be light and well beaten.  It can probably be overbeaten but I have no idea how you know when to stop.
• Fold in half the rhubarb.  This is a ridiculous instruction - just do your best.
• Put the resultant mixture in your tin and spread it around using a spatula.  This was also ridiculous and I ended up shoving the rhubarb around the tin to try and make it evenly spread around the tin.
• Scatter the remaining rhubarb over the top in a random but evenly placed way.  (Just do your best.)  My random evenness looked like this.

• Spoon the crumble topping over the top and it should look a bit like this.

• Bung it in the oven for about 40 minutes.  You need to use your eyes to judge whether it's turned a gorgeous colour before you whip it out.
• Now the recipe contains pretentious twaddle about dusting with icing sugar and serving with créme fraîche and honey.  In this house we're happy with either cream, custard, ice cream or just the cake on its own.

Lovely. Yum.

It's nice when that happens

I have a hair styling thingy made by BaByliss.  It has provided good service for a couple of years and is a sort of half hairdryer and half hairbrush.

Well it was working well until a couple of weeks ago it stopped working and started to smell funny and emit smoke.  Given that it had been working well for a good couple of years I figured it needed replacing.  I accepted that it would have gone beyond the one year guarantee and popped out to the High Street to pick up the latest model (essentially the same with a colour change).

As there had been a burning smell and smoke when it failed I thought I ought to let BaByliss know, so I pinged them an email.

They came back quite quickly and asked for the model number mentioning I could have it serviced.

I was sceptical.  How often does a service for a low cost item like this end up costing as much as the item itself, so I asked how much a service would cost.

Armed with the model number they were able to tell me that it was still in the three year guarantee period and the service would be free.

I was surprised there was a three year guarantee and also surprised I hadn't owned it longer.

So I popped down to the Post Office and a couple of emails later Babyliss advised that the model I had was no longer available.  Would I accept the latest model?

Of course I would, and did, and it arrived today.

So I posted it on ebay today too, because I'd already bought a replacement.

I hadn't expected much from BaByliss and they had significantly exceeded my expectations.  It's nice when that happens.

Scottish liars

A couple of months ago we left Scottish Power and moved to Ovo Energy.  I believe I mentioned it here.

Well this week Scottish Power were on the phone again.

When I was a customer they had promised to tell me about any deals they had that could save me money.  While I was a customer they didn't phone me once to tell me I could save money.

Well now I'm not their customer they think it's still OK to phone me (it's not!)

The phoned to tell me their prices had come down and they believed they could save me money over the tariff I have with my new supplier.

They asked why I'd switched.  I explained initially cost, then environmental considerations, and thirdly customer service.  I ran through the litany of customer service faux pas I'd experienced from Scottish Power.

They were sorry but they still wanted to tell me about their new prices.

I stayed quiet.

"Hello…"

"I'm still here…, go on."

"We've got your annual usage as xxxxx for gas and yyyyyy for electricity, is this correct?"

I had no idea but said "Yes."

"And which tariff are you on with Ovo?"

I couldn't remember exactly.  It's not as though I received the call just as I was reviewing my power supply paperwork.

"I think it's their 100% Green Fixed Price Tariff"

"Is that fixed for a year?"

"Yes"

"Well if you switched to Scottish Power we could save you £136 a year."

"Really?  On a 100% renewables tariff?"

"I'm not sure it's guaranteed 100% renewable energy but Scottish Power are leaders in renewable energy.  Let me check."

While she was checking, I did some of my own checking.

I plugged the usage numbers into the uSwitch site and then checked on the percentage of Scottish Power's energy that's renewable, and checked to see if they offered a free tariff.

Their level of green energy is just under 13%.  This is higher than the industry average (just) but lower than the Ovo Energy standard tariff at 15% and much lower than my tariff of 100%.  

When my caller returned she advised that she didn't currently have access to the system that could tell her the percentage of renewable energy in the Scottish Power supply.

I told her that was strange, because I'd found it (here).  I also explained that comparing their 12.9% renewable tariff with my 100% renewable tariff was not a fair comparison and that she needed to compare apples with apples, or 100% renewable with 100% renewable.

She told me that she was just trying to see if she could save me money.

I explained that if I wanted to save money I could switch to Ovo Energy's standard tariff which has 15% renewables and is still cheaper than the Scottish Power 12.9% renewable tariff.

Most call centre operatives would have given up, realising they were beaten fairly and squarely but this one didn't.  It was a reasonable argument and a reasonable person would have moved on.

I suggested that consumer organisations might  be interested to hear that Scottish Power are trying to persuade people they are saving money by comparing completely different products and that whilst she had phoned me and  could find the information whilst she was talking to me, not everybody else would be able to do this and the tactics seemed very underhand.  I thought about throwing in the fact that they had broken the data protection act because they didn't have permission to contact me as i was no longer a customer, but I thought I'd save that for next time.

This was the first day for about a fortnight that they had successfully called me.  They had been calling once or twice daily.  Unacceptable behaviour from a loathsome company with appalling customer service.

Just because...

Rashida Manjoo has visited our country to look at our approach to violence against women.  She was here for 16 days.  She saw some of the things she wanted to see but claims she was denied access to the Yarls Wood Immigration Centre.

She discovered she believed sexism was worse in the UK than in other places, and warned that the government's austerity measures were having a "disproportionate impact" on women's risk of violence.

I saw a report on Channel 4 News and started to look at the story on the internet.

Then I started to look at the comments left beneath these stories.

There seemed to be people in three camps.  

The first, small, group agreed with Ms Manjoo.

The second, significant group were outraged.  Surely the UK wasn't as bad as other countries?  What about Saudia Arabia?  What about Pakistan? What about, what about, what about…?  The point was that there were other countries that were worse than us so the criticism was unfair.

Really?  So if we have a sexist culture then that's OK providing there's somewhere else that's worse?  Isn't that like condoning torture in the UK providing there are some other countries that have "worse" torture?  Saying it's OK to kill people but that our "kill rate" is lower than some other countries. I could go on but you get the idea.

And then there was the third, reasonably-sized, group who just thought she was wrong.  Maybe she is, maybe she isn't.

 

A riveting tale

This blog post is a misnomer because this is actually about a stapler.  Well a stapler and a minor personality defect.

A few weeks ago at work I needed a heavy duty stapler.  I wasn't just stapling a few sheets of paper, I was stapling a book.  OK, maybe not quite a book but a chunky wad of cheap paper.

Pete, the Stapler King, was out of the office but this didn't deter me.  I knew he wouldn't mind so I went and borrowed from his desk-based stapler display and grabbed the biggest, fattest stapler I could see.

My first staple didn't go too well.  The second attempt was also a bit rubbish.  After about seven staples I had a gummed up stapler with wedged staples.  You know the kind of thing, the more you try and staple your way out of the problem, the worse it gets.

I asked Al for help because that's what you do.  If you can't fix something yourself you ask for help.  I wasn't sure that Al had what it would take, but he was quietly confident.  It turns out that Al just added more staples to the staple mass that had wedged itself into the inner workings of the stapler.  I needed more help.

I turned to my best friend, the Internet, and found the Rexel website.  Surely there would be an instruction manual for this staple of office equipment (see what I did there?)

I searched in vain but I did discover a contact us link.  I duly clicked and filled in the brief online form explaining the stapler paralysis I had encountered and asked for an instruction manual.  I even attached a photo so they could identify the correct model.  I was being a little optimistic because the stapler I was dealing with was old, but, as I explained in my email, one doesn't buy a heavy duty stapler without expecting it to last for a considerable time.

I waited about ten minutes.  There was no email with an attached pdf and I still needed to staple things.  It was then that I took drastic action.

Ken also happened to be out of the office so I raided his tools and found some long-nosed pliers.  Brute force and long-nosed pliers succeeded where Al had failed.  I pulled a vast quantity of spare metal from the stapler and it was usable once more.

I thought nothing more about this until this week, three weeks after the incident, when an email appeared from Rexel.  An engineer had clearly been given the task of responding to "this nutter from Ford" because that's exactly how he addressed his email to me.

Actually he didn't, well he might have.  I just don't know because I haven't read the email, because I don't need to; I have my solution and I needed that solution three weeks ago.

The blogger's weapon of choice

'This blog isn't secret, but it doesn't need to be.  Yes, I expose a lot about me and my life here but I'm OK with that.  Typing it here takes it out of my brain where there is limited capacity.  I can store thoughts on the interweb thus expanding my brain capacity virtually.

So why do people do secret blogs?  Well there is the infamous Belle de Jour blog where the blogger had a very good reason for hiding her identity.  The Secret Footballer is by his very nature, secret.  And there was also Fleet Street Fox who is now exposed but was once a secret journalist blogging from within the industry.  I'm sure there are many whistle blowing type blogs where secrecy is essential.

I think I've found another where secrecy is optional, and lack of secrecy can be used as a weapon.

Ethan lied to me last week and told me he'd done his maths homework.  Since then he claims he lost his homework over the weekend (but he hadn't done it before he lost it).  He could have asked for another copy today at school and still had time to do the homework this evening before the deadline tomorrow.  Tonight was when he chose to tell me he'd lost the homework and I launched Operation Find Homework (which failed dismally).  We didn't find the homework but we did find lots of disorganisation, lots of mess and lots of junk.

The thing that really annoyed me, other than the complete disgrace of a messy school bag, was the stuff I'd given Ethan for the school Mothers' Day sale.  It has been carried to and from school for about a month without actually making it into school.

I honestly don't know how to improve Ethan's organisation, tidiness and memory.  I've tried a lot of things, but I now have a secret weapon - the blog.  I took embarrassing pictures of Ethan's messy life and created a blog, just for him.

If his attitude towards his life improves measurably then the blog can stay a secret.  If not then it will be published on Facebook and Twitter and his messiness will be exposed to all of his friends' mums and naturally filtered down to his friends.  I'm hoping that the threat of public humiliation might just be the turning point I've been hoping for.

How very dare you?

We're thinking of selling the house.  Well when I say thinking I mean we might have had a casual conversation about it and the next thing I know I'm booking valuations with three estate agents.

And there's the thing, I booked the appointments.  Dave wasn't involved at all.  I might have mentioned it in passing to him after I'd booked them but it was me that sorted it.

A couple of the estate agents asked about who else lived at the property and asked for and took Dave's details.

These two estate agents confirmed the appointment in writing.  And the letters were addressed to my husband and me.

They thanked my husband and me for giving them the opportunity to provide us with an up to date valuation.  Why are they thanking my husband?  It wasn't his idea and, when booked, he knew nothing about it.

They looked forward to meeting us.  Well they'll only be meeting me because I'M THE ONE THAT MADE THE APPOINTMENT!!!

They said if we had any questions we should get in touch and they'd be happy to help.  Well I've got a question "WHY THE HELL DO YOU FEEL IT'S NECESSARY TO WRITE TO MY HUSBAND WHEN I'M YOUR CUSTOMER RIGHT NOW???"

I'm a tad annoyed.  Their copy books are already blotted and there had better be a significant improvement in attitude or they'll never see a penny of commission, if we sell, which we don't really want to.

How very dare they?

Parenting advice needed

Today was not a good day for Ethan.

On the plus side he remembered his football kit this morning.  That doesn't always happen.  He also tells me he learned something at school today.  This never happens.

The downsides started just before nine o'clock when I received a call from Sarah. (Thanks Sarah)

Apparently our garage door was open and the keys were in the lock.  The keys on the keyring could open the garage, the shed, and the back door of the house.  Sarah kindly offered to lock the garage and pop the keys through the letterbox.  (Thanks again Sarah)  

These keys were left there overnight and this morning until Sarah spotted them.  Ethan left them there.

When Ethan was in the house after school I tried to get him to think about what he might have forgotten to do.  He didn't figure it out so I told him I was disappointed with him and I explained why.  I also told him about the potential consequences of his behaviour: the shed contents could have been stolen, the garage contents could have been stolen, the house contents could have been stolen, we could have been murdered in our beds.

None of this happened.  But that isn't the point.

So after explaining what he had forgotten to do I had expected an apology.  Nothing was forthcoming.  Nothing at all, just silence.

If the worst didn't happen then was I right to be disappointed?

Then in a chance conversation with Nyree (Thanks Nyree) I discovered that parents' evening is next week.  I should have received a note asking when we would like to meet Ethan's teachers.  The note had been languishing in Ethan's school bag for a fortnight.  I was completely unaware.

The form for parents' evening was due back last Wednesday. 

I once again explained my disappointment and this time there was an apology.

These are not isolated incidents.  Ethan has history.

I need advice from more experienced parents.  What the hell should I do because I'm all out of tether?

I'm on a bus

I'm actually on a bus. And it's one of those quaint ones run by a private company outside of London. It's a very different experience to the TFL red bus experience.

To find out which buses run from one place to another use traveline.info.  This site also tells you when they run and which particular bus stop you need.

This bus company running the local 21 service doesn't have a website (how very retro). The franchise switched operators recently and either the new operator is SM Coaches or the new operator bought vehicles from the previous operator who was SM Coaches.

I turned up at the bus stop early so I wouldn't miss the bus. Right on cue a number 71 approached. I hesitated. From a distance a seven can look like a two without a bottom. I let it pass.

I waited. My bus was late.

I looked around the bus stop for clues that my internet research was correct. There was nothing. No timetable or any kind of bus information. It could just as easily be a resting place for a weary as it could be a bus stop, apart from the sign that said "bus stop".

Six minutes late, my bus arrived. And I found a new way to get from my house to Ongar. 

One of the reasons for taking the bus was to check the route worked, and it does. And I had a little adventure along the way.

Ann's tarty lemon tart

I've tried several recipes and this is my own recipe based on having a 25cm flan tin and needing a recipe that works for that.

Serves about eight with very generous helpings. This recipe needs a 25cm non stick flan tin with removable base.

Ingredients

For sweet pastry shell

• 180g plain flour
• 120g cold unsalted butter chopped into smallish pieces
• 20g icing sugar
• 1 large egg

For filling

• 6 large eggs
• 150ml double cream
• 260g caster sugar
• finely grated zest and juice of 5 medium lemons

Method

• Put flour and butter in a food processor and blitz until it resembles sand.
• Add egg and blitz until the starts to come together as a dough.  Pop in a plastic bag and put in the fridge for half an hour or longer.  You can freeze the dough at this stage for use another day.  Chilling the dough makes it a little easier to handle.
• Roll the pastry out on a lightly floured piece of baking parchment with a lightly floured rolling pin.
• Carefully lift the pastry into the tart tin - balancing it on a rolling pin can help.  If the pastry breaks, don't worry.  You can patch any broken pieces together quite easily.
• Make sure the pastry is gently pushed into the tart tin.  The outside of the middle section of your index finger will do this perfectly.  It needs to be pushed gently into the fluting of the tin edges. No matter how I try to do this properly this section always expands when baked resulting in thicker pastry than I'd like.  It's not a disaster but I'm not quite sure what the fix is.
• Excess pastry hanging over the side of the tin is fine at this stage.

• Pop the tart case in the fridge for at least 30 mins.  You can freeze the tart case at this point if you want to get ahead.
• Heat oven to 180˚C (for fan oven).
• Prick tart base with a fork - this prevents the tart case from "puffing up" later.  Keep a small amount of dough to one side just in case you need to do emergency patching halfway through the case baking.
• Line tart case with baking parchment and baking beans. (Baking parchment can be made more pliable if you wash it and dry it or scrunch it up and unravel.)
• Place on baking tray and cook for 15 mins.
• Take out of oven. 

• Carefully trim excess pastry from the top edge of the tart tin (not easy) and remove the baking beans and baking parchment and pop back in the oven for a further 15 mins.

• Your tart tin should now be fully cooked and needs to be cooled ready for the lemony bit.
• If you've turned the oven off while the tart case cooled, then turn it back on again - 180˚C (for fan oven).
• Whisk the eggs and then add the remaining ingredients and whisk again.  You're not trying to whisk it to add air at this point, just to mix it until well combined.
• Once combined, pop into a jug.  
• The best way to add the lemony bit to the case is to pour it into the case while the tart tin is sitting on a baking sheet in the oven.  This isn't easy.  My oven shelf, when half pulled out is not horizontal; it's on a slight slope.  Ideally you want your tart case horizontal as you will want to fill it with as much filling as possible.  What you want avoid is the filling spilling over the edge of the tart tin so take care.  I end up pouring with my right hand and propping up the oven shelf with the other hand.
• Bake for 30-35 mins.  The centre should have a wobble when it's taken out of the oven as the tart continues to cook after it's removed from the oven.  If you cook it for too long it'll crack as it cools.
• Cool and then pop in the fridge.

• Dust delicately with icing sugar just before serving.

 

 

My reply to John

Hi John

Your prospect database needs updating.  I’m not the droid you’re looking for.

Kind Regards,

Ann Cardus

Hi Ann,

I’ve noticed some of the online ads associated with Ford, and I wanted to reach out because I think XXXXX can help you improve performance and lower costs at the same time.

XXXXX can transform your static display methodology into a robust data driven dynamic program that will increase the performance of your campaigns and allow for a more efficient use of your media dollars.

Here are a few strategies and objectives we have supported for our client's:

-          Message / Performance Testing.  We offer a simple A/B test to determine what types of headlines or offers work best, multivariate testing for message refinement
or we can use our flexible taxonomy to define any test you like.

-          Best Match. This is where we can connect with your DMP to target ads based on behavior or different audience segments.

-          Media Agnostic. Client's use us for Mobile / and Web ads. We support HTML Ad Rendering and Flash Rendering when needed.

-          Performance Lift. We help clients raise performance by identifying underperforming ads sooner allowing a more efficient use of media dollars.

-          Reduce ad production costs. XXXXX can drastically cut ad production costs, in some cases by millions.  Having real time update capabilities also cuts down on trafficking time.

Would you have some time for a brief introductory call to see if we can help with your display ad program? 

Thank you and I look forward to speaking soon.
 

Regards,

John

Hey Tom

Tom wrote to me: 

Hello Ann, 

This is Tom with XXXXX Company, a Chicago-based Adobe Executive Level Partner. 

Although XXXXX Company has performed over 130 successful AEM/CQ5 implementations and helped many clients take advantage of little known features within the Adobe Digital Marketing Cloud, we don't have much contact with the team at Ford. Therefore, I'd like to set-up a short introduction call. 

The intent of this call is simply for introductions, discuss your Web initiatives, and see if XXXXX Company's Adobe expertise fits the direction Ford is headed. Attached is a brief overview of XXXXX Company. 

Are you available for a 15 – 20 minute call early next week to assess whether or not it makes sense to continue our conversations? 

What are your thoughts? 

Best Regards, -- Tom 

and I replied: 

Hi Tom 

If I told you that I worked in the UK and that my responsibilities are nothing to do with Social Media or Digital Marketing would you still want a chat? 

I doubt it. 

Wherever you have found my email address you have discovered an out of date contact. If you have paid for this as “prospect data” then I would a) like to know who is supplying my personal information without my permission and b) advise you to request a refund. 

I know working in sales is tough and making that first contact is tough, but it doesn’t help when the prospect data you’re using isn’t reliable. 

I wish you good luck but please remove my name from your database. 

Kind Regards, 

Ann Cardus

Don't privatise our probation service

The privatisation of our probation services is a disgrace. Payment by results for a service to be delivered by private companies is wrong. It just is.

I have worked for the probation service (albeit a six month stint in HR) but I discovered enough to know that people who work in the probation service do so because they are caring individuals who want to make a difference.

Will these same individuals want to transition to a private company motivated by corporate greed? The answer is no, and they are leaving in droves.

Hear for yourselves why this policy needs changing on Radio 4's File on 4:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b03vf0f7

Spam, spam, eggs and spam

You know those irritating texts for personal injury or the ones offering a payday loan? Or in my case texts from the furniture company Dwell.

I signed up to receive marketing info from Dwell a few years ago and then they went bust. Within days they were up and trading again. But to my mind the new company was new with new owners. I had given the old company permission but not the new company.

I tried to stop this new company sending me texts by following the instructions in the text that asked me to reply with the word STOP. It didn't work and each new text from then irritated me more than the last.

Last night I decided to report them to the Information Commissioner's Office. By doing that I discovered that there's an easy way to report SPAM texts to your mobile operator.

Simply forward the offending text to 7726. You'll then get an acknowledgment text asking for the number of the sender. Text back with that and the offending company is reported. Job done.

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Muted Make-up

Hannah mentioned that amongst her school group there was an email going back and forth about whether Year 7 girls should be allowed to wear make-up.

She wanted to know how to mute the conversation as there were a large number of girls engaging in the email dialogue and all were using the reply to all button.  She's not in the slightest bit interested in wearing make-up or in having a conversation about it.

Well the great news is that in Gmail it is possible to mute a conversation so you're not bothered by reply to all on a subject that isn't of interest.

But it got me thinking, and researching, make-up for teenage girls and women.

It turns out that make-up can make someone feel better about themselves.  The kicker though is that those wearing make-up generally have lower self esteem than those that don't.

I think the best place to be is to be comfortable without the mask. Far better to work on the self esteem problem than to cover it up with make-up.

I don't need to provide Hannah with this advice but I hope she retains her positive attitude and never feels she needs make-up.

A definition

Female genital mutilation is very much in the news.  To be honest I'd rather it wasn't.  Clearly it's a completely hideous practice but that isn't why I wish it wasn't in the news.  Being completely selfish I just hate hearing about it.  Hearing about it makes me think about it and I really don't want to think about it while I'm eating my breakfast, driving to work, cooking the dinner or relaxing on the sofa, or actually anytime.

So when inflicted on girls FGM is child abuse.  I'm pretty sure that's not in question.

I assume, by applying the same reasoning, that circumcision of boys is also child abuse.

I imagine that applying a tattoo to a child would be considered child abuse too.

What about ear piercing?

I think I'm in love (with an energy company)

Scottish Power wrote to me today to let me know how much energy I used in 2013 and how much I might expect to pay for my energy in 2014.

As the money normally floats out of the joint account on a monthly basis I had no idea we were spending that much.  Actually that is a big fat lie.  I did know how much we were spending but, because the numbers were so horrific, I had blocked them in the same way that people can't remember traumatic experiences; they're pushed into the subconscious to give us all nightmares.

So I dragged myself to the Uswitch website.  

The last time I switched energy bills was I think after I was cornered in Sainsbury by someone who clearly earned a big fat commission.  At the time, Scottish Power were a better deal than British Gas so switching made sense.

I plugged in my usage numbers as this provides an accurate comparison tariff to tariff.

Uswitch told me I could save £404.  £404!!!  That's one hell of a shopping trip that I can claim because it's me saving the money.  Or it's a large chunk of the summer holiday paid for, or it's a hundred and one other things like fixing the rotting garage door and replacing the garage guttering.  The garage is the most likely recipient of any saving, which is a shame because I'm overdue a shopping trip.

The company that can save me this cash is Ovo energy.  Now weren't they the ones who were telling the truth to the House of Commons Select Committee whilst nPower, British Has, eon and the rest of them lied about fluctuating energy prices?  I do believe they were.

Ovo Energy also source 15% of their energy from renewable sources.  How terribly ethical.

Ovo Energy also pay 3% on credit balances.  Really?  I mean really?  That's better than any High Street bank or Building Society.

What's their telephone number?  Funny you should ask: they have a call centre in Bristol full of lovely Bristolians and you can dial 0800 5999 440, free from most landlines, or 01179 303100 for those of you with free minutes calling from your mobile where 0800 numbers are chargeable.  How thoughtful; you get to choose which phone number to call depending on which suits you. 

Oh, and they're on Twitter @OvoEnergy.

And ofcourse Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ovoenergy

And they're even on Google+ (weirdos): https://plus.google.com/+ovoenergy/posts

And YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/OvoEnergyTV

And they blog (only freaks blog): http://www.ovoenergy.com/blog/

And if that isn't enough they're happy for you to pop in for a chat.  I know!!!  Speak to a real person face to face.  You have to be in Bristol mind but that might be half the fun.  (40 St Thomas, Bristol, BS16JX)

And for the old folk they have e-mail, how sweet: sales@ovoenergy.com 

I sound like I'm on commission, I'm really not.  I haven't even switched yet, but I will.  I haven't even spoken to them yet, but I will.  I have sent them a couple of tweets though, 'cos I'm like that.  I also sent Scottish Power and Uswitch a tweet too, 'cos I'm like that.

 

Shooting the locals

Someone was shot today near Shenfield station as they emerged from their car.  They were shot in the leg so the person with the gun either didn't mean to kill them or is a really lousy shot.

I found out about this soon after it happened because it resulted in a temporary station closure at Shenfield.    I started out being interested in the associated disruption to my daughter's journey to school and then started to be curious about the shooting.  You see it's not a regular occurrence in this neck of the woods.

Later in the day I saw the incident reported by the Gazette and posted on Facebook.  The first and only comment, when I saw it, was from someone who said "No one gets shot for no reason though usually, do they?"

She's absolutely right.  It's usually because someone who isn't very nice is holding a gun and pulls the trigger.  

But seriously, did she really mean to imply that the victim must have been "asking for it/deserved it"? Really?  Without knowing who has been shot or what are the circumstances if you are a victim of a shooting then there must be a reason?

I don't know who was shot.  I don't know why they were shot, and I'm not going to guess or assume anything.

Easy peasy choccy biccy wocs

This is a Nigella recipe.  I didn't read it properly first time and got them wrong.  This is a baking crime because it has to be one of the easiest biscuit recipes on this planet.  It also has hardly any ingredients.

Nigella thinks they are a "chic accompaniment to a tub of good vanilla ice cream."  My needs are simpler and I think they are the perfect, in significant quantities, with a cuppa.

You will need a couple of baking sheets and either grease these or cover with baking parchment (I did the latter).  Makes 35 if you like small biccy wocs like Nige.  Makes 24-30 if your walnuts are a bit bigger (this makes sense later).

Ingredients

• 250g (yes that's a whole slab) of unsalted butter at a squidgy-ish room temperature
• 125g sugar (Nige uses caster but I use cheaper unrefined granulated - not sure it makes a jot of difference)
• 300g self-raising flour
• 30g cocoa

Method

• If your oven takes a long time to heat up, turn it on to 170˚C or 150˚C for a fan oven.  If you have a super speedy oven then wait until after your mixture becomes a dough.
• Chop your butter up and then whack it in a mixer with sugar until it is pale soft and creamy.  This means mixer at full speed, scraping the sides occasionally and waiting until it's properly pale and light and creamy.  It is possible to this by hand and if you do you may well eliminate bingo wings.
• Sieve the flour and cocoa onto your creamy yumminess and then mix at a slow speed.
• Have faith.
• It will become a dough before your very eyes.
• Don't overdo this bit.  As soon as it has become recognisably a dough you can stop mixing.
• Grab a walnut-sized bit of dough and roll in your palms to make a walnut-sized ball and place on your baking sheet.  Repeat until all the dough has been used
• Space the dough balls out a little bit on the baking sheet because they spread whilst cooking (not a lot, but you don't want them all joining up in the oven.)
• Take a fork and squish your balls leaving tine shaped indentations.  This is the bit I didn't do first time and it turns out to be important!

• Pop in the oven for five mins and then turn oven down to 150˚C or 140˚C for fan oven.  
• Leave in for a further 15 mins.
• Use a palette knife to carefully move the biscuits onto a cooling rack.
• Store in airtight container.
• These are freezable but will keep in a tin for quite a few days (if they last that long).

Easy peasy.

 

There's always a way

About a year ago we booked holiday accommodation for this summer in Tuscany.  Terribly middle class of me and I am somewhat ashamed given that both Tony Blair and David Cameron have also holidayed there - not the sort of company I'd be keen to keep.  They didn't stay where we'll be staying.  Our place is much nicer (I wish).

Whilst the accommodation was sorted we didn't know how we were going to get there and last January the flight schedules for 2014 were a tad non-existent.  So in the midst of a dank, wet January this year my thoughts turned to sunnier times and how exactly we were going to get there.

I looked at flights and they were all rubbish.  Aside from being expensive (the Blair/Cameron effect no doubt) they were at very silly times of the day.  I knew we'd also have to book a hire car and I hate hire cars.  Hire cars smell.

I thought about driving.  Google says it would take 15 hours and 50 minutes.  Google always underestimates the time to cross the channel, even if we go through the Chunnel so I'd add an hour at least.  And then there's the time difference, that's another hour of perceived, although not elapsed, time.  And then there's the lack of consideration for traffic jams and the M25, add another couple of hours.  So that's 20 hours.  We'd need to sleep somewhere and I once made the mistake of booking a Formula 1 hotel on a long trip through France - never again!  It was vile.  The next time we needed a stopover I booked a proper hotel which was better but more expensive.  But I don't like hotels as a rule.

So to arrive on a Saturday we'd need to leave at the crack of sparrows' on a Friday and we'd be knackered by the time we arrived. The kids would have fought so much in the back of the car they wouldn't be able to bear the sight of one another and Dave and I wouldn't want to see either of them because we'd have been sick of the fighting too.  Dave and I would probably be grumpy because there would have been times when we wouldn't trust the satnav and would have resorted to maps.  That's never good.  Oh and food on long journeys like that is cruddy service station fodder - bleargh.

I was beginning to regret the holiday booking and then I looked at trains.  

I found AutoSlaap Trein in the Netherlands.  I have always wanted to travel by MotoRail and this was it!  From s'Hertogenbosch on the Dutch/Belgium border down to Livorno in Italy.  Livorno is just a couple of hours drive from our destination.  The trains have private sleeper cabins and all food and refreshments are provided.  If you want to you can book a posh meal in the restaurant car as you travel through the Rhine valley or you can eat the standard fare in your cabin.  And the best bit is that the car travels with you on its own special bit of the train.

That worked but how would we get to s'Hertogenbosch?  Well, s'Hertogenbosch is just over an hour from the Hook of Holland which just happens to be a destination for ferries that travel from Harwich.  Ferries have lovely cabins for weary people to rest their heads.  Harwich is a stone's throw from home and avoids the nasty M25.  Well it sounded very much like a plan, especially when I put the times together and everything slotted in place perfectly.

So one evening we'll drive to Harwich and hop onto a ferry.  We'll sleep while we travel to the Hook of Holland and after we've woken up and disembarked we'll have oodles of time to get to s'Hertogenbosch.  We might even do some sightseeing.  After lunch we'll park our car on a train and find our own little cabin and, after dinner, we'll sleep our way through Switzerland and into Italy.  Just before lunch we'll drive our car off the train and head to our final destination.

The kids are excited because they love the idea of the massive ferry and the Harry Potteresque train compartment, and I can't wait because I've always wanted to take my car on a train.

The cost is about the same as flights and a hire car.  I'm excited.

Stay at home Mum

I have nothing against the stay at home mum.  I'd quite like to be one.  I am part way there as I'm a part time working mum and consequently a part time stay at home mum.

Unlike many others I never wonder what a stay at home mum does all day because I know it is perfectly possible to fill the school days with enough activity to leave one exhausted by the time the afternoon school run comes around.  But… I overheard an interaction between a stay at home mum and her sole charge the other day that made me chuckle.

The names of those involved have been changed and the following emotional outburst took place immediately after the afternoon school run as the mum was collecting her son.

"I'm sorry George but we're going to have to do the horses"

Mum was wearing horsey gear (boots and jodhpurs).

"Today has been just mad, really hectic!"

She looked stressed and rushed.

"I've spent all day trying to post that package!"

All day to post a package? 

"First I went to the a Post Office who said it was too big for them.  And then the second Post Office I went to said the address was wrong and didn't match the postcode."

And this took all day?

"So Mummy tried all day to post that package and I still haven't managed to.  Anyway, that's why we've got to do the horses, because I didn't have time.  Sorry dear."

And then a grumbling George was bundled into the back of the Range Rover and I thought "Well there's always tomorrow."

Wouldn't it be great

The typhoon that hit the Philippines has brought misery to millions. Listening to the radio I thought "what can I do?"

I can and will donate with plastic but that's an easy solution.

I can do a cake sale and have already started to discuss this with colleagues.

And then I realized my family all have their own "work" community. So I have encourage Hannah and Ethan to try and organise cake sales at school. I have tried talking to my husband but he prefers plastic donations.

And then I though "Wouldn't it be great if everyone who helps organise a cake sale encouraged everyone else in their family to organise a cake sale in their own daily community.

I then had a fractal vision of cake sales spreading throughout the land as one person encouraged another to get involved and then another, and another.

Maybe you could do a cake sale at home or at work to raise money for the Red Cross.

Wouldn't it be great if everyone got involved?

Just in case

I needed to go to IKEA today.  When I say "needed to" I mean it was on my list of things to do and I had a window of opportunity today.  

Ethan had an inset day and Dave was in charge (of Ethan just in case you assumed he was in charge of me).  This meant that when I left work I had some time before I needed to have food on the table and I didn't have the encumbrance of a school run.

I was going to return a lamp which had a couple of non-existent screws.  At the customer service desk I discovered that the time of the school run is the perfect time to hit IKEA.  There was no queue.

Instead of just giving me the screws and washers I needed the assistant gave me a refund and sent me off round the store to find a replacement lamp.  I told her that this was dangerous because I would be sent before temptation with the very likely outcome of me spending money.

I darted around the store using all of the shortcuts available to me.  I see it as a bit of a game to figure out the shortest route to my destination and outwit the store designers that want customers to "experience" IKEA.  I didn't want an experience, I wanted a lamp.

Despite my deft avoidance of temptation I walked past a couple of plain throws, one red and one white.  They were a fleece material with fringing.  I didn't like them as throws and I don't need or want throws, but I was tempted.  They were just £3 each.  Just £3! 

I started to think about how I could use them if I bought them.  Christmas concerts are coming up soon and the throws could well be useful for the creation of any costumes that are needed by my children.  The trouble is that I don't know what those costume requirements might be.

I picked up one red and one white and carried on in search of the lamp.  I had those throws, just in case.  

Am I the only one who does this, who has a loft full of stuff that I might need, one day, maybe?

I put the throws down before reaching the checkout, but only just.