The case of the missing apps

I had an iPad crisis.  Something, or someone, was eating apps.

BBC News disappeared, then BBC iPlayer, and Plants versus Zombies.  Then it got worse.  Instagram went, and the Camera disappeared.  YouTube evaporated and all apps that I still had that needed the camera refused to work.

In all I had about 30 apps that were there, but weren't.  They showed as installed which meant I couldn't blame Ethan for their accidental deletion.  This also meant I couldn't reinstall because the MacBook and the iPad both thought they were on the iPad.

I tried a restore from backup and I was left app-less.  I tried turning it off and turning it on again (the IT Helpdesk Special) and I tried a hard reboot (an action of last resort.)  Nothing.

I asked my trusty Social Media sites for help.  There was a glimmer of hope when Hugo sent me a link to something that was a bit like jail-breaking but not quite jail-breaking.  This sounded like a rather drastic course of action so I resolved to make a Genius bar appointment.

Navigating the Apple site I found an option to schedule a call.  This meant someone would call and advise me at a pre-arranged time.  That sounded easier than negotiating Christmas shopping crowds at Lakeside so I booked a call.

Lo and behold, the next day, at 1:00pm, I had a call from a lovely lady who helped me through a simple reset procedure.

I asked if she'd seen the disappearing app problem before and she hadn't.  She did reassure me though it was probably a software glitch and nothing I'd done.

Within about five minutes, I had all of my apps back.  They'd been there all the time but had somehow been hidden.  A reset set them free.

The service was brilliant and cost nothing.  My iPad is back to normal, all apps back where they belong.  I'm now even more super-impressed by Apple service.

Mary and I should go shopping

Mary Portas published a report today on the British High Street.

She has 28 recommendations.  Good for her, but good for the High Street?

Her report was reported as being produced in response to an environment in which apparently we don't want to shop on our High Streets.  Apparently we all want to buy everything online or in out of town retail parks or shopping centres.  Really?

I like seeing things before I buy them.  I would much rather buy in a shop rather than buy online.  So why do i buy online?  Well I can do it from the comfort of my home whilst drinking a cup of tea and the goods get delivered to my front door.  That must be the reason.

Well that might explain part of it.  Price might play a part, but I rarely compare online with High Street prices.

So what's the real reason?

Frankly it's because I'd need to travel to an out of town retail park or shopping centre to be able to buy the things I buy online.  My High Street doesn't offer me the variety I need.  I loathe shopping centres and retail parks.  I don't like driving to shops because I hate traffic and the M25.  I never know if I'll get stuck in traffic and that's not good if I know I need to get home in time for the school run.

I even buy groceries online because I have to use the car for a weekly shop and that means driving a distance or fighting for space with the other residents of Brentwood in the local Sainsbury car park.  The exception is the local farm shop which usually gets two visits from me a week.

There are horrible things about buying online.  Buying the wrong thing has happened to me and to friends.  It's easy to make a mistake.  In the space of a week I had the same jazz saxophone music book turn up to the house twice.  I bought from an independent music store online but forgot I'd also left a copy in an Amazon basket.

I loathe, with almost every fibre of my being, the courier companies that try to deliver, try again and then require me to visit their grubby industrial estate to collect my goods.  Had I been in when they tried to deliver they would have handed over the goods requiring just a signature, but because I'm collecting from them I need to take a passport, driving licence and utility bill and then sign for the goods.  This causes problems when one orders goods in one name, like Ann Cardus, but all of one's ID is in the name of Carolyn Cardus or Carolyn A Cardus.  The arguments I've had could fill a book.

I would do all of my non grocery shopping on the High Street if only the choice of goods was on my High Street.  I like the coffee shops; I like being able to nip to the Post Office, bank or library whilst doing some shopping. But there's no point, unless the right shops are there.

Brentwood is trying and the collection of businesses in Crown Street is really trying to improve the sense of vibrancy that a High Street needs.

Mary's right.  Car parking should be free.  Out of town store development should be stopped.  A High Street needs to be an interesting destination where consumers feel happy spending time and, more importantly, money.

 

I think I've started something

Yesterday was a bit of a different day for me at work.  I'd invited Anthony Nolan to work to try and recruit people for the Anthony Nolan register.

I'd seen a blog by Alice Pyne earlier in the year (http://alicepyne.blogspot.com/) in which she described her bucket list.  The thing that has always been at the top of Alice's list is "To have everyone eligible join a bone marrow register."

Alice's courage in the face of her cancer at the age of 15 was inspiring, and moving.  Her first thought is trying to get people onto a bone marrow register benfitting others with cancer.

I looked at how many people worked with me in the same building.  There must have been a few thousand.  It must be possible to get some of them to sign up to a bone marrow register.

I got in touch with Anthony Nolan and we set a date.

Yesterday I discovered how difficult it is to find new people for the bone marrow register.

In advance I had done some pre-event activity by walking some corridors and telling people about the event.  There was an e-mail that arrived in everyone's inbox I figured that some people might need additional motivation so I baked brownies for the first 50 sign ups.  Anthony Nolan said that 50 was their target for the day.  I thought that was easy.

The charity support team arrived in two parts, one in time for a ten o'clock start and the other an hour later.  There was a limiting factor of time as the Anthony Nolan crew could only be with us for just four and a half hours.  But I still thought we could hit the target of 50.

Then the day started.  I went corridor wandering again to drum up support, looking for 18-40 year olds who didn't have one of the many health issues that would exclude them.  It was then that I realised we have a dearth of "young" people at work.

I spent the whole of the four and a half ours on four inch heels, walking and standing, and talking to people about Anthony Nolan and why they should sign up.

There are the willing volunteers, the willing but scared, the scared and unwilling, the plain uninterested and the weird group that fake interest, say they'll come back and never do, or they fake a medical condition that excludes them.  For the record, fainting a bit a while ago is not epilepsy.

By the end of the session I was in severe pain having bruised my soles by spending too much time vertical in silly heels.  I had also shifted a fair few brownies.  And the really good news is that we hit our target of 50 sign ups.

It would have felt like failure if we hadn't hit 50, but because we did hit 50 I can call it a big fat success.  The next challenge is to try to achieve the same, or even better results, at Dunton and Dagenham.  And I wonder whether any of our agency partners (where there are loads of young people) might also be interested.

 

Recipe selection - cakes

Here are a selection of recipes for the cakes that were available for my recent British Vintage Homeware party.  This is going to help me because I'm forever searching for recipes.

 

Apple, cinnamon and walnut cake

Killer Brownies

Banana and Chocolate Muffins

Orange, carrot and raisin spiced muffins - Hannah made carrot and raisin spice but I prefer the orange and carrot ones.

 

Apple spice muffins - I usually add raisins but forgot this time

 

Gluten free, polenta, lemon and pistachio cake

Lemon and lime cupcakes

 

 

Lemon and lime cupcakes

This is an adaptation of a Hummingbird Bakery recipe.  The original recipe is for lemon cupcakes but I was lacking a lemon or two but happened to have a lime or two so I substituted.

Makes 12 American-sized cupcakes or 18 UK-sized cupcakes.  An American cupcake is baked in a muffin case and a muffin tin.  A UK cupcake is baked in a slightly shallower tin with a cupcake case.

Ingredients

• 120g plain flour
• 150g caster sugar (I use granulated)
• 1 1/2 tsp baking powder
• 2 tbsp of a mix of grated lemon and lime zest
• 40g unsalted butter (at room temperature)
• 120ml milk (recipe says whole milk but I used skimmed)

Frosting

• 250g icing sugar
• 80g unsalted butter (at room temperature)
• 2 tbsp of a mix of grated lemon and lime zest
• 25ml milk (recipe says whole milk but I used skimmed)

Method

Preheat the oven to 170˚C or 150˚C if you have a fan oven.  If you're as slow as I am and your oven gets up to temperature quickly then you can leave this step until later.

Put flour, sugar, baking powder, lemon zest and butter in a mixer (I use Kenwood Chef) with paddle attachement (whatever one of those is - I use Kenwood K-beater attachment).  If all of this mixer malarky sounds a bit confusing you can use electric whisk.  Beat on a slow speed until the mixture resembles sand.

Gradually add the milk and beat until just incorporated.

Add the egg until just incorporated and then continue mixing until the mixture is smooth.  The recipe says not to over mix but I never know how that instruction helps.  I guess you should stop as soon as you think the mixture is smooth.

Fill paper cases until they are 2/3 full.  This isn't like a muffin mix.  If these cook properly then they will have a flat top that's at the level of the paper case when they come out of the oven.

Bung in the oven for 20-25 minutes.  Sponge will bounce back when pressed gently when they are done.

To make the frosting, beat together the icing sugar, butter and zest using a mixer or electric whisk on a medium setting.  Once the mixture has come together turn the mixture down to a slow speed and gradually add the milk..  When the milk is mixed in, turn the mixer up to a high speed and mix for at leads 5 minutes.  The longer the mixing, the lighter and fluffier the frosting.

Once cupcakes have cooled down you can spoon the frosting on.  It might be possible to pipe this frosting but piping has never been something that has floated my boat so I haven't tried.

I have successfully frozen these with the frosting, but if you do this then allow to defrost naturally.  A blitz in the microwave would melt the frosting.

 

 

Jigsaw puzzle for Ethan

Apple and cinnamon cake/pudding

I've made this a few times and have had more than one person asking for the recipe.  This is even after I completely screwed up the recipe and served something that I thought was terrible.  I think this means it must be quite a forgiving recipe.

Ingredients

• 300g sugar (I use golden granulated but I'm sure caster is fine too)
• 280g plain flour
• 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
• 2 teaspoons bicarbonate of soda
• 2 eggs
• 120ml cup sunflower oil
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• 120g chopped walnuts
• 800g chopped apples

Method

• Preheat oven to 160°C fan oven or 180°C otherwise.  If you have a gas oven or an AGA then you're on your own.
• You need a tin that's roughly 25cm x 25cm.If you've bought a tin for my killer brownie recipe then you can use it again for this recipe.  Ideal size is 25cm x 25 cm or thereabouts.  Grease and line the bottom of the tin.  Ideally you should use a tin with removable base as this cake is quite crumbly and extracting from a tin that doesn't have a removable base could get messy.
• This recipe requires a lot of apple.  I love Bramleys but I'm sure eating apples would be fine also.  When I'm chopping apple I fill a bowl with water and lemon juice.  I peel and chop the apple (in this case about the size of your small fingernail ish) and pop it in the water with lemon juice.  This stops it from going brown when exposed to the air.  I'm not a quick peeler/chopper but even if you are quick you might want to do this too because of the amount of apple you're chopping.I also prepare my apple before starting with any of the rest of the recipe so that most of the work after the peeling is just measuring and stirring.   I also prepare my nuts ooo errr.  I use a hachoir which is a posh herb choppy thing with a couple of blades but a knife is fine.  To be honest if they'd been in the cupboard, I'd have use pre-chopped nuts.   I hate chopping nuts.
• Before you read on you should read this next bit carefully.  DO NOT use a mixer for this recipe.  Use a spoon and stir it.  I have used a mixer and I killed this.  USE A SPOON.
• In a large bowl, stir together the sugar, flour, cinnamon, and bicarbonate of soda. Add the eggs, oil and vanilla, mix well (USING A SPOON).  Add the nuts and apple, mix until all the apples are evenly coated (USING A SPOON). Scrape into your prepared baking tin and level out with the back of a SPOON.
• Bake for 30 minutes and then cover with foil.  I know this is a faff but you will burn your cake if you don't do this.  I have discovered that a massive BBQ skewer placed on top of foil resting on my baking tin will stop the fan on my oven blowing the foil off.  I've also discovered that picking this skewer up without wearing oven gloves after it's been in the oven is a stupid idea.  Doh.
• Total cooking time is about an hour in my oven.  You may want to do a skewer test at 50 mins and do the skewer test again at an hour.  If you need to leave it in for an extra 10-15 mints then don't worry.  This will be a very moist cake because of the apple content and you are protecting it from burning with the foil.
• I have killed this by over-mixing and over-cooking and still been asked for the recipe.
• Serve warm or cool.  Oh and it freezes well which means it works well for those school cake sales or office cake-baking occasions.

Credit and kudos to Lisa whose original recipe I have translated from American and which is available here.

I didn't believe you anyway

We usually have some Greek yoghurt in the fridge, in 500g pots, which the children will eat with honey as a sweet healthy-ish treat.  I don't know quite how or why but it has become usual to eat this treat from a teacup.  Also, in a bid to develop independence (and because I'm lazy), we encourage the children to serve themselves.

This evening Ethan asked for honey and I encouraged him to sort it out himself.

I turned around and he'd grabbed a large pot of double cream out of the fridge and was about to help himself.  I said "Er, no Ethan.  That's double cream.  If you ate that you'd die."

"Really?" he asked.

"No. I was kidding"

"I didn't believe you anyway."

I love the fact that children don't like to feel duped at all, just like grown-ups really.

 

Economics 1.01

Hannah and Ethan have both been given an "Enterprise" task at school.

They've been given an investment of one pound and they have a school year in which to make that one pound grow.  The profit thus made will benefit a charity of the children's choice.

On Tuesday Ethan has his first Enterprise event in which he can sell things to others in other year groups.

Ethan has decided to follow in my footsteps and bake muffins to sell.  The rules say that the ingredients must be paid for from the initial investment.  So I set about working how cheaply he could make the muffins if necessary.

We opted to make a batch of 36 mini muffins because we knew the children would only be spending very small amounts on items.  I looked up the prices for all ingredients if the cheapest ingredients possible were bought for standard chocolate chip muffins.

So adding the cost of value flour to value eggs, to value this and value that the cost worked out at five pence per mini muffin.  This prompted me to look at how much it costs me to make the normal sized muffins that I bake for school cake sales.

So I added the cost of organic flour to free range eggs to etc.  And I got a bit of a shock.

The school sells my cakes, and all cakes, for 20 pence.  It costs me that to make them.  I might as well just put my hand in my pocket and put the money straight into the PTA coffers.  When I think about the hours I've spent baking for school cake sales it makes me want to spit.

Strictly cheaper

Every year I watch Strictly Come Dancing.  There are things I like and things I think would benefit from improvement.

I like the mix of celebrities and I think the professional dancers are all fab-u-lous (to quote Craig Revel Horwood).  The band is amazing and the make-up and costume departments do an amazing job.  Craig, Len and Bruno are wonderful and the lovely Claudia Winkleman who used to host the weekday show It Takes Two was very funny and used to get the tone of the show just right.

However.

Bruce and Tess really annoy me.  Neither have the talent needed for the job and they get by on looks (Tess) and sympathy (Brucie).  Bruce's constant jibes at Craig constitute bullying and are in poor taste.  And judge Alesha doesn't have the same authority as a professional dancer.  She over-marks and is responsible for the most vacuous of comments at times.

The elimination of the dance off was, in my opinion, a mistake.  We are now in a situation in which really bad dancers, like Ann Widdecombe and John Sargent, stay in because the general public like laughing at people, and not in a good way.  It also means that the Sunday night show is a farce.  It's filmed on Saturday night with everyone pretending it's happening on Sunday.  The judges change their outfits, the presenters change and people like me have found the spoiler on the Saturday night anyway.

When the series started there was almost constant filming of the dance training.  This was often funny, interesting and informative.  Well I think the budget has been cut and there are fewer camera crews available to follow the different celebrities around.  The show now resorts to a scripted unfunny video that is shoehorned into the training schedule.  It usually involves taking someone away from the training room to help them "get into character" or improve their fitness levels or speed.  It's always contrived and more than a bit pathetic.

But I'll still watch.  It's better than X Factor.

 

Smashing pumpkins

Today we had two Halloween carved pumpkins stolen from the front of the house.  This is the second year in a row this has happened to us.

I got close to seeing the culprits and ran and shouted after them.  They dropped the heavier pumpkin just a bit further up the street.

Dave didn't want me to go after the group that were running off because there was one of me and about eight of them.

Hannah was upset.  She'd taken a lot of time working with me to carve the pumpkins and had been planning to take both of them to the Brownie pumpkin carving competition (which she'd won the prior year) on November 1st.

I was annoyed and fairly full of adrenalin after chasing the thieves and shouting at full volume, including, to try and bring on some guilt, "Do you realise you've made my daughter cry?" *

I called the police.  I didn't dial 999 and it took me a while to find the non-emergency number.  While explaining what had happened I did say "This sounds silly", "I realise it isn't the crime of the century" and "You're not going to ask me to describe the carving on the missing pumpkin are you?" but the woman I was talking to was taking it very seriously.

I guess what I wanted was for any patrols to keep an eye out and if they saw a group of about the right size in the area, to stop and talk to them.  I wanted them to get a ticking off.  I knew it was a long shot, but thought it was worth it.  Previously the Police have actively encouraged calls about what they termed "anti-social behaviour."

What happened next though surprised me.

I was then asked when I might be available for an officer to pop round for a chat and an appointment was arranged.

I can't help thinking this echoes a situation in which a group of teenagers were responsible for a broken window at the front of the house.  When I reported that an officer came round and I was contacted by phone and mail by Victim Support.

I didn't feel like a victim then and I don't feel like a victim now.  I am annoyed, but that's about it.  Involving the Police will teach my children a lesson about acceptable behaviour (which I would hope they would already know) but a home visit won't prevent this happening again, unless of course I'm persuaded to join the rest of the country with lights off hiding in the dark on Halloween.

Anyway I'm off to remove the spiders, bats, skeletons and rats from the front door.  Ding dong the witch is dead.

 

*Actually they didn't make Hannah cry.  As I keep telling the children, they are in control of their emotional reactions.  Hannah chose to be upset.  She could have chosen to be non-plussed.

Lucky

I ordered an iPhone 4S on the first day I could. I'd been clinging onto my deteriorating 3Gs for too long and reading all of the technology press rumours about the launch of the iPhone 5.
I also checked to see how much cash I could salvage from my old iPhone and Envirophone came up trumps offering £120.
When I started to look at the timing of the new phone and the deadline to return my old phone to Envirophone, there seemed to be a discrepancy.
The Envirophone date for return was October 21st and yet Apple's site was suggesting that would be the earliest my shiny new phone would be dispatched.
I checked Envirophone's site for a new quote and was dismayed to see that their offer had fallen to £60.
I contemplated £60 and whether that was worth being without a phone for up to a week. I concluded I wasn't the sort of person who could survive without her phone.
I gave up checking the Apple website and I decided I'd just have to take the financial hit on returning the old phone.
Today I need to work later than normal and I didn't get in until ten to three. There was a UPS card on the doormat.
I checked the Apple website and my phone had been dispatched.
I fought my way through the UPS voice menu to speak to someone to ask if the driver could possibly redeliver. They checked and called back to say the driver would try. I said "There's a banana and chocolate muffin in it for the driver if he makes it".
I waited. I checked with Envirophone that posting today would mean it would arrive tomorrow. I phoned the Post Office to check opening times and was dismayed to discover the Postman collected the post at five.
I also had to get the children to their swimming club by five o'clock.
At four twenty the UPS man and I exchanged a phone for a banana and choc chip muffin.
I'd already backed up, sync'd and prepared for the transition.
I extracted my SIM card, used Victoria's SIM card cutter (nervously) and plugged the phone into the MacBook.
I waited. I decided things were looking like they were working so I erased all content and data from the old phone and we dashed off to the Post Office entering just after the man from Royal Mail.
We ran to the counter and handed over the old phone in its padded bag and Special Delivery envelope.
We went home to find the sync'ing was still progressing. It finished. I unplugged. I made a phone call. It worked. With minutes to spare.
There are times when everything falls into place and I just feel lucky. This was one of those times.

Hindsight isn't always a wonderful thing

I mentioned this a while ago on Twitter and Facebook, and maybe Google+.

The weather was balmy as we had a late blast of summer warmth in September.  I'd just come home from a long day in London and needed to change quickly to be able to collect Ethan from Beavers.

I probably didn't need to change but I'd just been on a hot and sweaty tube and train so it seemed appropriate.  I chucked on an easy quick cover up; a summer dress that covers a multitude of sins.  It's long and fairly shapeless and probably isn't at all flattering.

Dress on I hopped in the car to drive to the church.    On Wednesdays Ethan goes straight from Beavers held in a church hall, to choir practice in a completely different church.

I arrived early and while I was waiting I chatted with some of the other parents who were waiting for their children.  When Ethan emerged I whizzed him off to a different church for choir practice and then I drove home for the hour before Ethan would need collecting again.

I was early to pick Ethan up and waited for a few minutes talking to the priest and other parents until Ethan had finished tidying up and was ready for home and bed.

It was when I got home that Dave said "What's that on the back of your dress?"  We both investigated and the thing that was on the back of my dress was actually something that wasn't there.  The dress was sporting a large hole.  The hole was situated a hip height at the back of the dress.  There wasn't much under the dress.  There was something, but not much.  I think we all know what I'm saying.

I'd been to two churches, one of them twice, wearing a dress with a large hole that exposed my backside.  A tad embarrassing, with hindsight.

Smelly marketing

I wandered into town this morning to run some errands and buy some things I didn't absolutely need but wanted.

One of the things on my list was a large silicone baking dish for toad in the hole.  My toad in the hole always sticks to the dish it's baked in.  I mentioned this to someone yesterday and she recommended getting a silicone baking dish, because she has one and she only uses it for toad in the hole.  Well she must have been talking to everyone in Brentwood because the whole of the town was out of silicone, apart from the silicone that is used in breast implants.  Since the TOWIE lot have been filiming in the town we're over-flowing with silicone.

Anyway, one of the shops I wandered into was Steamer Trading Company.  It's a beautiful shop full of pretty things and I could spend a fortune if I didn't have reasonable self control.  As I entered the shop the aroma of freshly baking cakes hit me.  I looked around for an oven and couldn't see one and wondered if they piped the small into the shop.  I went upstairs and looked in every nook and cranny (without looking like a freak) and couldn't find the oven.  As I came downstairs a member of staff was going upstairs with used mixing bowls and utensils coated in cake mix.  I figured the oven must just be well hidden and decided I'd return later in case there was some lovely cake to be had.

I reflected that doing baking in a shop that sells cookery and dining items is a brilliant idea.  Everyone loves the smell of cake cooking in the oven and it must entice people into the shop and put them in the mood for buying baking related items.

I returned later, after a trip to the bank, and as I went into the shop I was overwhelmed by the smell of burnt cake.  It was an acrid smell that was deinitely not enticing.  I had another quick look for the oven but found, instead, the charred remains of cake on a chopping board.  Black crumbs were all that remained.

It was then I thought that the idea of baking in a cookware shop only works if the people doing the cooking know what they're doing.

 

Moist scrummy chocolate muffins

I haven't given these muffins their correct title because it might put you off baking them.  The title should read cocoa courgette muffins.  Please don't let the courgette put you off.

Chocolate muffins can often be dry, sorry affairs that look so much better than they taste.  These muffins look as good as they taste and taste as good as they look.  There is no hint of courgette flavour but the courgette does bring a delicious moisture to the mix in the same way carrot can to a carrot cake.

OK, that's the sales pitch over, here's the recipe.

Makes at least 12 standard size muffins.

You will need a muffin tin or two, muffin cases, two large bowls and an oven pre-heated to 190˚C or 160˚C if you have a fan oven.

Ingredients

• 280g plain flour
• 2 tsp baking powder
• 1/2 tsp bicarbonate of soda
• pinch of salt
• 2 tsp cinnamon (weird I know but have faith)
• 3 tbsp cocoa powder
• 1 egg
• 140g soft brown sugar (I didn't have this so used 100g natural granulated and 40g light muscovado)
• 60ml milk
• 2 tsp vanilla essence (not quite so weird but still a little strange)
• 340g grated courgette (I used course grater although recipe said finely grated and I didn't peel the courgette although you can if you want to)
• 90ml corn oil
• 85g optional chocolate chips (the recipe said raisins which I thought sounded disgusting but you could always try it as an alternative)

Method

• Put muffin cases in muffin tins and if you haven't turned the oven on, do so now.
• In a large bowl stir flour, baking powder, bicarb of soda, salt, cinnamon, cocoa powder and choc chips (or raisins) if using.  If you're keen then you can sieve this.  I'm not convinced sieving makes any difference and I only ever stir with a fork.
• In another bowl beat egg with a fork.  Add sugar, milk, vanilla, courgette and oil and stir well.
• Pour the wet ingredients into the dry and stir.  Do not be tempted to use an electric mixer at all because you will ruin your muffins.  Have faith, use a spoon and stir.   If it's anything like the batch I made today you will think that there's not enough of the wet ingredients to mix in all of the dry ingredients.  Persevere because it is possible.  It will be a fairly stiff mixture because the courgette releases moisture when it's baking.  Just make sure that no dry flour is visible when you've finished stirring.
• Spoon this mixture into the muffin cases and bake for 20 minutes ish.  I usually turn them in the oven at 17 minutes to make sure they bake evenly.
• They are cooked when tops spring back when pressed

It is customary for the cook to make a cup of tea towards the end of the baking time which is to be enjoyed with one of the muffin batch.  It's very important to check the quality of one's own baking.

Wasting time and ruining lives

I have spent most of this evening crying.  With laughter.

I recommend you visit damnyouautocorrect.com and kill a few minutes the next time you have a few minutes to kill.

Here is a tame taster:

Most of the autocorrect screen grabs are much more offensive, so you have been warned.

Around and about

Sometimes someone does such a rubbish job that they really need to have it pointed out.

I mean if somebody did something that endangered life and limb, they should be told, am I right?

OK does anyone know the muppet who works at Essex County Council and has responsibility for roundabout design?

You see this roundabout here:

I know which side of this roundabout I should use if I'm travelling straight on.  The problem is that too many people in Brentwood seem to be confused by this roundabout and travel on the right of the roundabout when approaching it as shown in the photo.

I have been travelling in the opposite direction and I've come across cars heading straight for me.  I could interpret this as a vendetta against me were it not for the fact that the twonk at Essex County Council has so clearly screwed up with the planning of this roundabout.

The real holiday car

As promised, just a little later than promised.  Disclaimers here.

We had an S-MAX 2.2 Duratorq TDCi 6 speed Manual Titanium.  For those not initiated in the ways of the Ford product an S-MAX is a seven-seater that can also be a five-seater or a two-seater depending how many seats are up or down.

I could tell you what I think of the car's looks but you should really judge for yourself.

Of course that's a brochure shot.  I'm not sure the heights and angles of this next shot are quite as complimentary, but at least the wheels match the brochure shot.

It does however show that, despite a thick layer of French road filth, the car doesn't look desperately dirty.  I think that's down to the choice of the Mica Stone paint.  Our next car will be black and will show every last speck of dirt.

We travelled in five-seater mode with the last two seats folded flat and it was very capacious.  It fitted all of our holiday gear, including all of the unnecessary stuff that we took and never used or touched and we still had room to see out of the back window, although the height of the luggage was too high to allow us to use the tonneau cover.

The storage inside the car was reasonable and we found enough space in the glove box to hide the TomTom satnav and also the 35 DVDs we took.  Door bins, seat pockets, centre console and space under seats allowed for more storage and, because we only have two children, there was a spare seat providing a spot for in-car snacks and drinks.  This spare seat also served as a useful no man's land in between those same two children.  I remember that seat housing the largest coolbox ever when I was a child which served as a barrier separating me from my brother on long car journeys.

We have also taken this car camping which has meant it has been stuffed to the gunnels with "stuff" and it is just amazing how much "stuff" you can fit in the car.  The issue is that the car does not come with my husband fitted as standard and if there is one person who can pack a car to within an inch of its exhaust pipe, it's my husband.

The panoramic roof would, I've no doubt, have been delightful but we had to steal the fuse for that to feed the 12V cigar lighter at the front of the car which failed on our day of departure.  A fuse costs nothing (well the dealer I got the fuse from didn't charge me) and it's easy to change, but it's annoying in a car that's less than a year old to have anything fail.  I did wonder whether Ford ever discovers there might be a problem if everyone just fixes it themselves although that does mean diagnosing the problem too without help.

The seats are very comfortable.  For our return journey we spent about 12 hours in the car and it was more comfortable than an office chair or the sofa at home.  I thought I'd miss the lack of lumbar support on the driver's seat but the seat was supportive enough without it.

The entertainment in the car was provided by Dave's iPhone iTunes library streaming via Bluetooth through the car speakers.  We adjusted the sound so that we used front speakers thus minimising any audio interference with the DVDs being played on the Nextbase DVD players attached to the rear headrests and playing sound through infra red magic through to wireless headphones.  (Think that sentence should probably have had a comma or two.)  It was a set up that worked perfectly (12V power permitting) and if you don't have Bluetooth in your car, you need it.

The engine performed very well and provided all the power we needed even when fully loaded.  We could overtake on hills and pull away from lights without any problems.  We used the cruise control and in sixth gear the car was able to maintain the speed smoothly and without struggling at all.

Fuel economy though was underwhelming.  The car told us we were achieving 35.9mpg which is less than I expected.  I should say we were travelling at French autoroute speeds combined with twisty turny hilly roads with air-conditioning on about 70% of the time, which isn't great for brilliant fuel economy but I expect better.  I know that a new car needs time to reduce the friction in the engine and improve its efficiency but this car had a thousand or two miles under its (fan) belt.

The technology that we used a lot was cruise control.  On long autoroutes with the Gendarmerie being ever watchful we used cruise control to keep ourselves legal.  I noticed that the car had a speed limiter too.  We tried that function too but, because the system can be overridden if you kick down for extra power, I struggled to understand how it was useful.

We also used the satnav, but in conjunction with the TomTom.  I don't like the Ford satnav.  Firstly It didn't show the road that led to our accommodation, but the user interface isn't intuitive for me at all; I would go as far as to say frustrating.  Most of the time it will get you to your destination and it will probably get you there using an efficient route and I'm sure it's possible to get used to the interface, I just prefer my TomTom.

As to the other tech in the car, we appreciated the Quickclear screen and the parking sensors.  The car had a rear view camera but I didn't like it.  I think it might be a spatial awareness thing and men might appreciate this feature more.  I preferred to see nothing and rely on the parking distance sensors; the camera view just confused me.

In summary: We like the car so much we're getting another one, but in black.

 

 

Annoyed

I will blog about the holiday car I promise, just not tonight.

This evening I had the chance to attend a local Tweetup but knew I couldn't.  Dave was away for a business trip so I couldn't leave the house.

Dave being away meant leaving London in time to collect the children from the after school club, sorting out an evening meal and then rushing Ethan off to choir.

While the children were eating it occurred to me that after dropping Ethie at choir Hannah and I would be kicking our heels for about an hour until Ethie needed to be collected again.  And then the penny dropped.  Hannah and I could go to the Tweetup together.

I hesitated.  It wasn't the type of event you'd normally take a child to but Hannah is nine years old, very sensible she knows what Twitter is.  Plus it wasn't as if I'd been to previous events and seen drunken, loutish behaviour.  People were drinking in moderation and were being terribly polite.

Ah, the venue, a pub.  Well actually it was a room set apart from the main bar, but still a pub.

I tweeted the event organiser and asked whether it would be OK to bring a nine year old.  He wasn't sure the pub allowed children.  So I phoned the pub and they were absolutely fine.

But would Hannah be comfortable in a room full of Brentwood Twitterati?  I asked her and she said she'd be fine.  I explained in detail what previous Tweetups had been like and I checked she was still OK about turning up.  She said she'd be fine.

So we went, Hannah felt very grown up, some people were lovely and spoke to both of us, and Hannah was a star performer for the magician who was doing some close up magic.

But amongst all of this I heard "She's brought her child."

Words account for 7% of communication, tone of voice 37% and body language 57%.  I couldn't see the body language but the tone of voice wasn't pleasant.

Imagine the Witches in the Roald Dahl book and imagine the sneer in the voice as they might say the word "child."  It's a sort of spitting sneer and that's what I heard.  And the tone of voice grated.  Fortunately it was almost time to leave and collect Ethan and get both children home for bedtime.

I know some people don't like children but this annoyed me.  That attitude annoyed me but there was something else that annoyed me more.  Hannah was between me and the voice and I just hope she didn't hear it.

I hope I misheard.  I hope I got it wrong.  Either way, sadly, that was the last Tweetup Hannah attends on my watch.

The holiday car

I did suggest I might blog about the holiday car.

Firstly you need to know I work for Ford so, whilst I believe this to be an honest appraisal, I have had years of brain-washing.  I mean seriously.  Next month sees my 20 year anniversary with the Company.  (If you want to send congratulatory cards the date is October 14th.)

Secondly, you should I know I was a passenger for most of the holiday, predominantly playing the part of SatMum or, as I think I should be called with the benefit of hindsight, MumNav.  I did some driving, mixing up a bit of smooth and slick autoroute with twisty, turny, lumpy, bumpy roads.

Thirdly you should know I used to be part of a Drive Team.  This is a bunch of (usually) educated engineering types with perhaps a random marketeer (I was the random marketeer) who appraise vehicles during the product development phase.  The tests are contrived but are intended to reflect the customer experience.  The Drive Team evaluate all manner of vehicle attributes (defined by the Vehicle Integration Team) such as "left foot comfort."  This was always a strange attribute to my thinking as my left foot was always comfortable, but then I was enlightened by colleagues who pointed me in the direction of the left foot rest which is a feature that I had never used and still consider to be completely redundant.

One of the benefits of being "on" the Drive Team was a training session with Jackie Stewart.  The only thing I really recall from the session was his advice on testing the build quality of the vehicle.  Apparently, using the bottom of one's fist one should bash a vehicle body panel 15 times, because (and I quote) "Ten is not enough and 20 is too many."  The wisdom of the three time World Champion was legendary.  He didn't mention those World Championships at all by the way.  Not ten times, not 20 times...

The other benefit was driving around proving grounds.  I am pleased to say that Michigan Proving Ground has a corner named after me.  I got a little over-enthusiastic taking a corner in a VW Transporter.  I know, the glamour - a bloody van.  But anyway I gave the Armco a friendly nudge and now, and forever more, that corner is Cardus corner.

Actually, I'll leave it there.  I've given you an insight into my skills, abilities, age and admiration for the legend that is three time World Champion Jackie Stewart.  I'll leave talking about the car to another day. :)