I received indirect feedback today. It wasn’t positive.
I’m overly aggressive.
On a good day this means passionate and assertive. It means fighting for the right course of action and having the courage of my convictions.
On a bad day it means raising my voice and/or swearing and arguing or consistently persisting with an opposing or unpopular point of view.
This is not new news and frankly if I found it easy to change, I probably would.
When I’m stressed I bite my tongue less and I speak out more. I am stressed right now to the point where tears are not far away for most of my days. I can’t pinpoint one specific thing that’s causing the stress as I think there are a number of factors but I know it has an impact on my behaviour.
I don’t want sympathy, frankly it doesn’t help and is more likely to push me over the edge. I just wanted to let people, anyone, maybe nobody, know that this feedback has had an effect.
Instead of being more vocal than normal because of the stress, I now just feel utterly depressed. I really don’t want to go into work tomorrow or any day.
I know that’s selfish because people are losing their jobs, but I'm not appreciated and I just feel some people would rather I just wasn’t there at all.
So what am I doing about it? Eating too much, drinking too much and finding excuses not to exercise. Shouting at my husband and shouting at the children. Great.
1 comment:
Your problem seems to be that you have a loss of control. I don't mean a loss of temper, I mean control as in you do genuinely believe that you have the right ideas for the business, but you have no direct control over how IT or agencies deliver them (or not).
So what you need is a good project manager, someone who understands the business needs, understands you, and also understands the practicalities of making IT solutions work.
Let me know if I can help.
RNB
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