May I recommend the Children’s book Never use a knife and fork by Neil Goddard with illustrations by Nick Sharratt. It’s a good one for young cheeky children, and my children can recite the whole book.
And, for your delectation, I will let you know what you’ve been missing:
Never use a knife and fork.
Stuff your face till you can’t talk!
Soak your pigtails in your soup.
Squish your fishcake into gloop.
Slosh your squash around your cup.
Use your sleeve to mop it up.
Suck ice-cream from underneath.
Scrape your biscuit with your teeth.
Squirt your yoghurt from the pot.
Tie your sausage in a knot.
Paint a picture with your peas.
Squeeze some cheese between your knees.
Drink your gravy through a straw.
Bounce your burgers off the door.
Bung your thumbs in hard-boiled eggs.
Trickle treacle down your legs.
Pile up puddings on your toast.
Give your dog the turkey roast.
Hide spaghetti in your hair.
Keep crisps in your underwear.
Juggle jelly, tread in bread.
Balance bagels on your head.
Wolf down waffles while you walk…
But never use a knife and fork!
Buy this book, or borrow from the library. Your children will love you for it.
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