Coals to Newcastle

I am going to be taking sausages to Germany tomorrow.

Do you know how difficult it is to find out whether that is permissable?

I checked the Southend airport website - no information.

I phoned Southend airport and got rather tangled up in their switchboard.

I checked the BAA website which recommended checking the DEFRA website. The only vaguely useful bit of that website was the "Ask Hilary Benn" link but I considered this question a bit beneath a Member of Parliament.

I checked the website for the company that owns Southend airport and phoned the only telephone number I could find. A nice and highly amused lady answered. She was intrigued and promised to investigate.

Later I was called by someone, with what I imagined to be a pilot's voice (very definitely wearing a uniform), from Southend airport who explained that taking sausages out of the country was completely permissable. He was unable to comment on the rules pertaining to the importing of sausages into Germany though. I thought this might be a stumbling block but then he cheerfully volunteered the information that bags are not checked upon arrival in Cologne.

He said that I must walk through German Customs looking very innocent, which I explained was very difficult because even when I am innocent that environment makes me feel and appear guilty. He said that if I were to get caught then my sausages would be confiscated and that would be that, but on the whole he thought I'd be able to get away with it.