Saturday, 2 August 2014

Short story

At what age should shorts disappear from a woman's wardrobe?  Let's start by agreeing that anything calf length isn't a pair of shorts.  Shorts, in my opinion, should finish above the knee.

Are shorts always OK?

Does the suitability of wearing shorts depend on the state of the derriere and the legs that they will cover?

I like wearing shorts.  I have about ten pairs and I don't want to think I'm getting to the age where they are deemed to be inappropriate attire.

So can I wear shorts forever, or will there come a time when I decide it's just not appropriate anymore?

Hannah has started to tell me that some of my shorts are unacceptable, on me.

As one ages do shorts gradually increase in length?

I didn't realise that Jenny Joseph's poem Warning was the UK's favourite post war poem.  I think it could be improved if it mentioned shorts.




When I am an old woman I shall wear purple 
With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me. 
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves 
And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter. 
I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired 
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells 
And run my stick along the public railings 
And make up for the sobriety of my youth. 
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain 
And pick flowers in other people's gardens 
And learn to spit. 

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat 
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go 
Or only bread and pickle for a week 
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes. 

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry 
And pay our rent and not swear in the street 
And set a good example for the children. 
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers. 

But maybe I ought to practice a little now? 
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised 
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.



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