Warning

A warning to all of the motorists who were inconsiderate to me today:

I will use my car instead of walking.

My car will contribute to greenhouse gases and will emit carcinogenic particulates. It will kick out stinky smoke every time I accelerate, contributing to both the number of asthma attacks and the increase in childhood asthma.

I will be in that traffic jam in front of you and it will be people like me that will be causing the traffic jam because we're only there because of you. We'll be the people you curse because we're doing the 'school run'. In fact I may change my car and get a 4x4 to further your contempt.

Why would I do this to you? Let me explain.

You see a mother pushing a buggy transporting a toddler and you can see she has an older child in tow. It's raining. What goes through your tiny brain? Well it doesn't seem to be "how great to see someone still walking even when the weather is inclement." No, it seems to be much more like "I can see a big puddle in the gutter. If I drive really quickly, really close to the pavement, then I can spray loads of filthy, muddy, skanky water all over that daft bird and her kids who aren't in a car."

I think I should be walking when I can with the children to teach them that the car doesn't have to be used for every journey.

From now on my mantra will be "Screw the environment. If there's a chance someone's going to ruin my day, I'll take the 4x4."

Well I'd like to have that attitude but I know I'll still walk, because it's the right thing to do. Sometimes I hate myself.