Last day

Last day at work before Christmas.

Kevin's last day in the department.

Last day for Hannah and Ethan at Nursery before Christmas.

Last day ever for Hannah at Nursery. I did cry and I don't think it was because I'd just had my appraisal at work before doing the school run although that may have been a contributing factor.

Hannah has gone to the Phoenix Day Nursery from the age of 6 months. Mondays to Wednesdays and a brief spell of Thursdays as well. That's 4 years of her little life.

Now if I leave a job after a couple of years I get all emotional about leaving people. For me, it's always about leaving the people, never about leaving the job. Naturally being a hard nosed business woman (as if!) I don't show these emotions because that would be viewed as weakness. Actually it's just I'm just not prone to tears very often.

Today Hannah knew it was her last day but it didn't phase her one bit. She was happy and carefree and not in the slightest bit upset.

I just remembered all of the things she's done, all of the wonderful staff she's been lucky to have and all the love they've given her. They have loved her so much and it seems to me so sad that in 15 years time she probably will have vague memories about this time, and won't really recollect whether they were good or bad times.

It also dawned on me that I won't have my little girl at home with me on Thursdays and Fridays anymore. My little girl will be at school and I want to wind the clock back and make better use of the time we had. I want to take back all the times I was in a hurry and raising my voice (OK yelling) to make people get ready more quickly. I want to take back all the times when I was too busy to play. I just don't want my little girl to grow up.

I know she has to move on and develop but there will be a day when she doesn't need me and that just upsets me. Other parts of her life will become more important, and mummy will become less important.

Of course, there is a solution - have another baby. But that would lead to insanity (me, not kids) and who'd look after the children then?