Public service blog

I went for my first 'wrap' tonight. I'm not talking food, I'm talking beauty.

The plan was to lose a few inches. For those of you that have yet to experience a wrap, but wonder what happens, let me tell you.

First task is to remove all clothes and don paper knickers. Actually paper knickers is a kind description, a combination of string and tissue is more accurate.

I was then measured; about 20 measures all over the body.

Then I was painted in algae seaweed stuff, which stank.

Then a bucket appeared containing murky muddy water and rolled up cloth. The cloth could have been old oily rags from a garage of old sheets, they were so dirty one couldn't tell. And the mud stank too, and it was cold.

I then stood on a towel while i was wrapped, mummy-like, in cold muddy cloths.

Once wrapped, and looking just like the perfect Halloween party guest, I had to lie on some tin foil.

I was then wrapped in the foil and covered with a towel.

An hour later, yes, an hour later, I was liberated from my warm itchy prison. The foil was removed and, after I manouvered myself to a standing position, I was unwrapped. It was cold and I was shivering.

Before I could warm up I had to be remeasured. Now doesn't science say that cold things are smaller than warm ones?

I lost eight inches, apparently.

I had been expecting the opportunity of a shower, but, instead, I was told to put paper knickers in the bin and pop my clothes back on.

I'm not sure I felt more beautiful as a result, but I am poorer.