Wednesday, 17 January 2007

Am I dysfunctional?

Do you ever stand on a tube or train platform and think 'I could jump onto the rails. It would be really easy. I wouldn't even have to jump, I could just fall.'?

Or similar thoughts about jumping off tall buildings or jumping in front of buses?

Is it just me who thinks these things?

I imagine what would happen if I did.

Clearly there would be a mess to clean up and someone might try to save me. There would be the process of determining identity, finding my phone and probably someone using that to phone home. Then there are the harder things to think about.

How people would react, whether there would be a post mortem, what kind of funeral I'd have, how long before I was forgotten.

Because I know Dave and the children would cope perfectly well without me. There would be a period of adjustment and some tough conversations but it wouldn't take long for there to be a new routine that didn't involve me. Would Dave find someone else?

Don't get the wrong idea. I'm not suicidal. Or I don't think I am. But it has made me wonder about the people that do jump in front of trains. Do they just have the same idle thoughts as me but follow through without really thinking.

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