Thursday, 18 January 2007


Everyone is aware of the nine o'clock watershed. I think it's probably a good idea, but I think there may be room for adaptation.

I'm OK with the time and restrictions of the current watershed but I'd like to introduce another 'shed' and I've invented the 'goreteashed'.

On Tuesday night I sat down to eat my tea at about eight o'clock.

Quick sidebar explanation:
As I was growing up tea was a family event at exactly quarter past five every evening. The timing was dictated by Dad's work hours which and the time he could get home. Tea comprised of tea in a teacup from a teapot and a home made cake. Mum had an extensive range of home made cakes, usually Victoria sponge and associated variations.
Dinner was the main meal of the day and was eaten by the family sat at the dining room table. It was always a hot meal and there were always two courses: main and pudding. We always had pudding and everything was homemade.

So to get back to tea at 8 o'clock. It's only after mixing with these Essex folk that my evening meal started to be known as 'tea' hence sidebar discussion. I wasn't having tea and cake at eight o'clock.

Not only am I calling dinner, tea, but I'm also eating whilst sat on the sofa and not sat at the dining room table and on top of all this, the TV is on.

And this is why we need the goreteashed. On BBC2 there was a programme showing the dissection of bodies and organs. On Channel 4 there was the despicable Gillian McKeith with her show about obese people and graphic images of their flabby bodies and their excrement.

This is gore. And I don't want to see it when I'm eating my tea, hence goreteashed.

I think there should be several time bands for the goreteashed, perhaps around breakfast, lunch and tea/dinner times. Maybe that throws out the name goreteashed. Gorebreakfastshed doesn't have the same ring.

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