Tuesday, 17 July 2007

Guilt

I was driving home at about 8:30 tonight and passed a house just around the corner from our house. About 15 houses away.

Anyway there was a Volvo on the drive with it's lights on.

I had this force pulling me towards the front door. I felt the need to get out of the car and knock on the front door just to say "Hi. The Volvo's got it's lights on."

But I was so close to home I thought I'd go home and then nip round. But there was still a pull encouraging me to pull over and go in quickly. I fought it.

And then I fought the idea of going round at all.

I am always the person that tells people that their label is showing or they have a t-shirt on inside out. I'm always the one to tell someone they've dropped something or left something behind. I'm always telling people their window has been left open just before it rains or... that they've left their lights on.

And people aren't grateful. Most of the time I'm greeted by the feeling that I've invaded their space and their lives. Most of the time any gratitude seems forced and unnatural.

There was a tiny voice in my head tonight saying that the reaction I'd get would probably "Yes, we know. It's my friend's car - she's just popped round for five minutes. Is there anything else?"

And if that happened I'd resent my time and effort spent on a non issue.

I know this seems selfish and, I agree, it is. But I am so fed up of being the unappreciated 'good guy'.

I still feel guilty. They might have a flat battery in the morning. In my head that'll be my fault even though I didn't leave the lights on.

3 comments:

RNB said...

It's nothing to get guilty about.

99% of the world would walk on by without noticing, or else think it's their own fault anyway.

But it's the 1% who keep society together.

Ann said...

Er, still feeling guilty. For my own peace of mind I should have knocked on the door.

RNB said...

Because you're feeling guilty, you are part of the precious 1%