Thursday, 1 March 2007

Phantom poo hurler

We have a phantom poo hurler in our midst.

Everyone know that dog owners are responsible for cleaning up after their dogs. Usually the poo is picked up into a nappy bag, or similar receptacle.

About a week ago we found such a bag in our garden, a small bag filled with dog poo.

Admittedly we didn't open the bag to check the contents, but if you'd found a bag in your garden that you thought contained dog poo, would you open it to check?

Anyway today, there was another similar bag, again, in our garden.

So why are these bags in our garden and how are they getting there?

Well the first theory is that there is a dog walker that doesn't like us because they know us or resents us because of what we have.

The second theory is that there is a lazy dog walker that just slings poo bags into the garden that happens to be nearest.

The third theory is that it's cat poo being returned. We know Sydney, our tabby cat, doesn't poo in our garden. We could be annoying a neighbour because Syd chooses to poo in their garden. The streets around here are full of retired people that have the time to watch the cat poo culprit and then do the detective work to determine where the cat lives. They could have decided that the poo should be delivered back to us, for our disposal.

If this last theory is correct then they're actually being quite considerate because the poo is neatly bagged up before being lobbed.

The fourth theory again goes back to the "people not liking us" hypothesis but perhaps it's human poo in a bag as the ultimate insult. Now I've thought of that I'm definitely not opening any of these bags.

The fifth theory is that it's an environmental campaigner who is unhappy that we use disposable nappies. A simple bin sniff would confirm the presence of poo. A bin sift would confirm disposable nappies. Depending on the poo to hand, so to speak, any such campaigner would use whatever was most freely accessible, perhaps poo generated by a child who uses washable nappies.

The sixth theory is that it's our neighbours using random poo to protest about my campaign to prevent them from demolishing their house and building ten flats. If it is them, they either have a strong throwing arm, or are deliberately going to the other side of the house to divert suspicion away from themselves.

Anyway, it's not pleasant and I want it to stop. Is it a hate crime? Can I call the police?

1 comment:

Ann said...


Hmmm... are you keeping the evidence? Taking photos? I think there's a need for some skulking around here. Maybe a bit of sneaking about at odd times of the day... get the kids involved; make it a family project. You might just catch the phantom poo flinger one day.

Posted by Barbara On Thursday, March 01, 2007 at 7:48 PM
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No, we haven't kept the evidence. Don't want to either. Should've photographed the bags though. Will do for subsequent poo presents.

And as well as some classic detective work, maybe technology could help too. CCTV and heat seeking camera maybe.....

Posted by Ann On Thursday, March 01, 2007 at 8:21 PM
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Our neighbour used to wait until we were all out then any poo in or around his garden was shoveled up and chucked on our drive. Our dog never went on his garden cos he is on a lead when he leaves the house. Our detective neighbour across the road used to watch him. Doesn't happen any more the old buffer has moved.... Good luck with the super sluthing.

Posted by Nick On Friday, March 02, 2007 at 7:47 AM
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Many years ago, our next door neighbour's kid was only about 16 or so, so when he would be in the garden for a crafty fag, he would chuck the (stubbed-out) butt over the garden fence into ours. Obviously very antisocial and very wrong, but you can almost understand/sympathise if you've ever tried to hide smoking evidence from your parents. I spotted this once or twice, but didn't say anything, maybe it's an "English" avoidance of confrontation thing too. But then one day my dad spotted it happening. He does not come from a culture of confrontation-avoidance. And remember it was just a stubbed-out cigarette butt. But he went livid! He stormed round to the front of the house, shouted down the kid's parents, and spent the next few days constantly raging about it.

But back to your incident, it's probably theory two. Those people are scum. From what I see in this neighbourhood, most (yes most) dog owners will leave stinking disgusting disease-spreading shit on the street or pavement or verge if they think no-one is watching.

Posted by RNB On Saturday, March 03, 2007 at 11:57 AM
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Well something that has only just occured to me, is that we have been fortunate so far that it's Dave and myself that have found the bags and disposed of them. I'm not looking forward to the consequences if the children find a bag and choose, as they often do, to be inquisitive.

Posted by Ann On Saturday, March 03, 2007 at 12:37 PM
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Well mate, you've found your audience! On your current list of bloggs, your discussion on poo has raised your second biggest discussion!

I like your third theory on returned cat poo. Not that I condone such behaviour, but I can imagine someone with deep resentment and non-confrontational issues doing that. It strikes me that the lazy dog walker would "spread the love" soas to be less conspicuous, and the others seem to be too warped to be true...

Hope you get it sorted, not least of which for the sake of the little 'uns.

Posted by Darryl On Saturday, March 03, 2007 at 9:30 PM
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Poo fits my audience eh? Well here's what an off MySpace audience member said (and Jo - it's really easy to sign up but will be even easier once I move competely to Blogger):

Thats just gross, I'm going for the cat poo being returned theory. I do think you should set up cameras, get some evidence and report the buggers - thats just very unpleasant. I know this is probably far beyond the call of what is required, but do you feel able to look in the bag to tell whether it is cat poo or not? I feel sick just thinking about that actually so best not!

She added, in a text, that her hubby thought we should have it analysed with DNA test to determine animal or human.

Posted by Ann On Sunday, March 04, 2007 at 9:44 AM
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